Lavender

Right now, my mind state is irrational - I think back But my past circulates around you... All the pictures that I've deleted from my cell phone I wish there was a button for my heart but thats a 'well, no...' On second thought - this was crafted from our innocence Been friends for so long this goes back to our youth... You exemplified what a real centered sister was i never Thought twice, liked or even pictured love Walks around the lake take this pass let it go once Dinner by the beach treat this season like a cold front My heartstrings stayed protected when i played it slowly We grew closer but in truth this was still platonic I never thought about the future or the stage that it set The page that was next checked this was based in respect Until emotions started rushing it in Falling for one of my best friends is this how it begins? Whenever I close my eyes... I picture you I'm saying 'good-bye' - I slip, I trip, I fall I cannot stop no, not at all Baby now can't you stay? Maybe we could make a way... Whats love? that's the question that I ponder on Jamming out to Chaka Khan head bob'n I nod along so If I'm wrong let it go by and then pass me I stay Lost to distract me I want her like I'm Gatsby... But I know that It's poison and it's eating my soul so If i take another swig then i could die from it... Give me the bottle of heartbreaks anonymous I take shots to swallow with my flesh bones and cartilage... But I don't sink see I'm thinking in blots how many times Have I thought that this train gotta stop but it wont... Why? Guess I'm addicted to pain I know that It's not good but It's sort of engrained in my mind So when i say no my whole life's in reversal... and when i walk Its like I'm standing in place... How many times have I seen this - the cycle ensues I'm lost and I kinda like it cause the ending is you... ooh... Whenever I close my eyes... I picture you I'm saying 'good-bye' - I slip, I trip, I fall I cannot stop no, not at all Baby now can't you stay? Maybe we could make a way... I see a screen and the whole play's a rehearsal The lights flash in a circle and I'm feeling the chills... I got flashbacks to train tracks laid in Washington I play back those late snacks matching cardigans trapped Inside a dream like this whole thing was imagined... So when I wake up my picture's still of you... See every time That I hear your voice, name or reminisce on the places We've been to it makes me feel like we're through... So when I walk its like I'm taking on the both of us... Hope, dreams and the scope of us... Same team but im over us So I dont think about the big house and the kids All the great things that we did that might impact how I live Cause you're gone... And I'm tried of steady blaming myself Matter of fact I'm tired of blame in itself This is love... It's a train that I'm taking every time I'm a passenger my mindstate is Lavender... Whenever I close my eyes... I picture you I'm saying 'good-bye' - I slip, I trip, I fall I cannot stop no, not at all Baby now can't you stay? Maybe we could make a way...