Drunk

Just one drink! Gonna keep it mellow Responsible night for a polite fellow Say hello to my friends and comrades Don't tend to offend so I say perhaps Just two drinks! As a social courtesy We can raise a glass to our past fraternity And certainly a perfectly normal informal get-together But it's been forever since we gathered so whatever Just three drinks! For the sake of the old times Proceed with tequila shots with a dish full of cold limes The whole nine, laughing remembering all the old lines Never used to work but I could give 'em another try Just four drinks! Y'know, take the edge off I've had a hard week, I deserve to get sauced Pick up another round as my friends depart and They may not stick around but I just got started Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable (Oh) I think that I might be beautiful Juuuuust five drinks! Fuckin' treat myself! Pour the Dom Pérignon from the back of the top shelf Spend like God put on airs to sell it Crowd pretends not to care but I know they're jealous Just six drinks! Let slip the dogs of war! I'm gonna start a fuckin' riot 'til I'm tossed out the front door Zero to 60, I can turn on a dime, I'm hitting Bottom and I'm feeling like committing a crime Just eight drinks! Maybe I've lost count? I can't remember the night, what I drank, or the amount I'm fading in and out, my very consciousness is crumbling Sorry, was I saying something? 12 drinks! Strolling out of the hospital Is it hair of the dog if you stay drunk and don't stop at all? Another night losing it more than I can afford Was I just feeling bored? Am I that insecure? Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable (Oh) But now I'm feeling so beautiful Don't wake me up from this spell I'm under if I'm still breathing I know that I will be ugly when I feel like myself again (Oh) But now I'm feeling so beautiful Bottle of scotch served on the rocks with a shot of cachaca Vodka sake kamikaze with a handle of sherry A cherry brandy with a jaeger chaser champagne float A bourbon hot toddy in teacup of throat coat Martini, bellini, negroni, Baileys, kahlua, sambuca Soju, paloma, mojito, gimlet, frangelico, Guinness Tequila, manhattan, a margarita old fashioned Dry vermouth and something I can't taste 'cause I'm so trashed Soldiering over I'm slower, shoulder to shoulder with no one Stumbling, sobering, making friends with a smoker I know I'm less than upright, losing the fight with the ground Then someone hits the lights as they close for the night now Try to look at Heaven and I can't see the stars A billion trillion eyes are winking as I walk between parked cars Metabolizing liquor while I'm losing my friends I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow then I'll do it again Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable (Oh) But now I'm feeling so beautiful Don't wake me up from this spell I'm under if I'm still breathing I know that I will be ugly when I feel like myself again (Oh) But now I'm feeling so beautiful My vision is blurry As long as I'm thirsty Nobody can hurt me, hurt me, hurt me