The Ball

Prince Sebastian looks almost handsome

Not as handsome as the baker

Will you shut up for five minutes about the baker, Adele?

How do you expect to marry a prince when you insist on being the town bicyclette?

Have you seen a girl with dark hair arrive?

Dark hair? Darling, no one has had dark hair in this town since they burned that girl at the stake for

Well, having dark hair

She must be here somewhere

Look, why don't you just dance with one of these girls?

They've all made such an effort

Those two over there are particularly fetching, don't you think?

Sebastian, the wedding is tomorrow

You have to announce your bride at midnight!

I know you're cross but there really isn't any time to sulk

So while you wait for this mystery girl of yours, why not give another girl a spin?

You might be surprised

Dance

Now

Thank you, my saucisson

I feel I'm on the auction block and on display

Or more like I'm the favorite dish at a buffet

My options look as good to me as tooth decay

And she isn't here

Meanwhile bimbos are beckoning

And she has yet to appear

As I evade this hit parade of imbeciles

One thing's clear, she's not here

I don't know what everyone is talking about

How do you mean?

You're not that bad up close

And it's not like I meant to promise my first born to Rumpelstiltskin

It could happen to anyone

And if we have a girl I want her to be called Sunlight

And if we have a boy I want him to be called Storm

And if we have a—

How rich are you?

Um

I'm just trying to work out if it's worth it

Wow

My shaky grip on sanity is crumbling

And soon I will be married off and crowned the king

The ticking clock inside my head is deafening

And she isn't here

All this ceaseless unpleasantry

Small talk, banal talk so drear

The princesses, the bourgeoisie, the peasantry

All small beer and she's not here

Try not to say anything idiotic Adele

Your majesty

I'm not supposed to mention the baker

Or how handsome he is

Oh, for God's sake

Marie, intervene

Hello, your majesty

Can I tell you a secret?

I've always thought you were so much more handsome than your brother

Than my brother? Who was voted the Most Handsome Man in Europe?

Was he? Well, looks aren't everything

No? So what is it you like about me then?

Um, your spirit?

My spirit? And what is it about my spirit that you like?

All of it?

Nice try

Midnight's my time of reckoning

I'm filled with dread and with fear

And that is why I keep my eye upon the door

Still it's clear, she's not here

Woah!

I'd like to give her the crown jewels!

Oi, love, there's a scepter over here that needs polishing

Who the hell is that?

I've never seen her before

Who is that little tart?

I don't know, but she's so pretty

Pretty vulgar, look at those frightful shoes

Sebastian, look at that girl

You can't possibly say there aren't options

Mother, she looks exactly the same as every other girl here

And just as grasping and boring and vapid as the rest of them

For somebody who claims to have so much distain for his high station

You are a snob, Sebastian

I told you, I'm waiting for someone and that's not her

Mother, I can't do this

There is no medicine, no herbal sedative that can get me through this

Pack of coyotes upon me at feeding time

Breathless and braindead from all the inbreeding

I'd like to rephrase that, they're jackals, I'm pleading

Just dance with them

Darling, dance with them

Look at this new girl as if right on cue

I said dance with her

Fine, I'll dance with her

What do you think of my new look?

Ugh, please don't

What?

I don't want to talk, alright

I'm done talking, let's just get this over and done with

Have I done something to annoy you?

Not you particularly, no

But all of you in general? Yes

"All of us"?

Girls, shamelessly throwing themselves at me

In your dreams, and you asked me to come here

Hate to break it to you, love, but I was made to ask everyone

Well then why are you so shocked that we came?

I'm not shocked, I'm just depressed by the whole thing

And by the way, your highness

None of these girls is interested in you, you know that, right?

They are all straining to pretend they like you

Well you're not doing a great job, let me tell you

Good

You're a jerk and so arrogant

I came close to marrying you out of pity

Oh my God, you're delusional

You think you're hot stuff, you're not quite that pretty

With each shared opinion your chances are shrinking

Miss, you've had enough of whatever you're drinking

And if I'm the prize, there is no chance you'll win it

Excuse me, I must choose a bride in one minute

These bloody shoes

That girl can't walk in those ridiculous shoes of hers

Is she drunk?

Oh, can I drink, mama? I want to be drunk

Absolutely not, you're bad enough sober

She's not drunk, she can't walk in heels

There's only one girl in this town who doesn't know how to walk in heels

It seems we have a most unwelcome guest here

An interloper whom I cannot bear

How can she think we are unaware?

Well, I know who she is

What's she doing here? She always ruins everything

There's no time to lose, where's the prince? Go and kiss him

If he sees she's here then our plan will not float

He's where?

Over there

Hurry up, you can't miss him

Distract him, in fact, shove your tongue down his throat

Now! There isn't any time, now!

Well, It appears we have our bride

What? Wait!

Mademoiselle Adele de la Plage!

Adele? No

And what a beauty she is, too, the perfect choice

Excuse me, please let me out of here

I can't breathe, oh, this dress

Ladies and gentlemen, please bow down for your future king and queen

Prince Sebastian and the future Princess Adele

Cinderella? Oh no, wait, please

Leave me alone

I didn't know it was you, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you

You look so different

So you just fell into my step-sister's mouth?

No, she kissed me!

Enough, enough of your excuses

Why don't you just take responsibility for once?

This is your bed, lie in it

Hey, just stop

God, these shoes are killing me

Don't you dare touch me

We're done

Whatever this is, it's over

I never want to see you again

Please don't say that