Terminal procrastinator seeking lazy companion with nothing better to do than fuck about and piss some years away til you get bored of me or I get bored of you. you're probably gonna need to be ok with taking a shitload less than you give, cos you need someone to clean up after and I need someone to watch tv with.

So if you find you've got a decade going spare and you're cool with never doing stuff or going anywhere then I'll help you wake up one day with your best years spent to find that you're a used-up burnt-out husk wondering where the fuck your life just went.

So get in line if you're a fan of unreliability on which you can depend and like an innate inability to ever plan beyond the approaching weekend. And if my bare fucking minimum somehow doesn't wear your patience thin then rest assured that I'll always put my all into putting zero effort in.

So if you find you've got a decade going spare and you're cool with never doing stuff or going anywhere then I'll help you wake up one day with your best years spent to find that you're a used-up burnt-out husk wondering where the fuck your life just went.

So get comfy, pull up a glass, I'll nick 10 years off you sat on my arse. The wine, spliffs, gin and cigarettes and sleep and telly will help you forget how quickly life's deadlines are slipping and just how fast your life clock is ticking. But sedation should help you through it, there's nothing to do and forever to do it.

We've got time and brain cells to kill, and so many good drinks to spill, and days and weeks and years to fill, just kind of hanging out. Sitting down. Standing still.