There's never been a harder year to answer, how are you? That's the problem with 2020 is we're all more aware of how good we have it and how bad it is, that sucks. We know someone who's doing worse than us and we know that we're not doing as well as last year.

That's difficult. How do you answer how are you? Someone asked me, how are you? I freaked the fuck out. (Jared how are you?) How are we? In the beginning of summer, I was like, I don't know. I'm doing better than the people with the disease. I'm Jewish, we've had issues, we're doing better now.

I've been watching the news better than black people, apparently.

Now, I got it worked out, so it was like, how are you? I got it ready, I'm 20 20 ready? How are you? I'm like, I'm doing third generation Jewish American. I had a deejay and a band at my bar mitzvah well. We're all talking differently, all of us, if one more person says, new normal, to me, I'm going to fucking kill myself.

You can say anything, I haven't worn pants in six months, new normal. I put the cat on my lap so I can feel a breathing body, new normal. New normal, new normal is old alcoholic. Drinking every day at 12, uh New Normal. No, that's a person with a problem. They only say it when they're uncomfortable, they want you to move on every time I hear New Normal, I hear my mom, new normal, move on. I hear my Jewish mom every single time. Move on.

Now I see how quickly I can get a new normal. I try to get new normals. Yeah. I was at Starbucks, they're like, how are you doing? I was like, well, I'm wetting the bed now.

The guy was like, yeah, new normal, we're all doing that.

I hate New Normal, I hate unprecedented times, it's unprecedented, your friend who fucked up the SAT's now knows unprecedented.

They're gonna use it all day long.

It's unprecedented. I want more precedented times.

I don't want the room to shake like a fucking school shooter just broke in when someone coughs.

Do you know when people cough? I want to see two drunk people making out at a bar and be like, yeah, there's a lot of precedence in that.

I want to see that. A lot of mistake babies were made that way.

That's what sucked about this year.

There's no casual, nothing was casual, I like you can't even get a coffee casually. They put the sugars behind the counter. Fuck that.

Oh, my God, they ruined my whole coffee routine, I used to go get my coffee, then go to the sugar and milk stand, lick all the sugars. I would cough directly into the almond milk.

How could I do that now? Now I got to go up to the counter and act like Oliver Twist. Can I please have a Splenda? I know it's going to give me cancer, but give me two minutes of happiness, please.

No such thing as casual, casual sex is extinct right now, you know, false, you know, there's nothing casual about sex right now. You used to be able to go to a bar, talk to someone, touch the small of their back. Make a little mistake.

That's fucking great. Now, six feet away. Hey. You look cute.

Do any of your parents have preexisting conditions and will you be seeing them in the next 12 to 14 days? Because I'd like to have you come home with me. Sure, we can get something to eat if everything isn't closed, there's a curfew.

I have microwave popcorn at my apartment, but I have roommates, their parents do not have preexisting conditions.

Please, can I lick your asshole now?

Very casual.

Some fun, casual asshole looking after you disgusted across the bar.