Sincerely, Drunk Me

If your stupid ex sends you a text I won't judge ya if you answer it One more drunk hook up, ha, ain't gonna hurt ya (I don't think so, at least) So you peed in inappropriate places (oops) And you eat burgers when you been wasted I won't tell the police you're a vegetarian (unless they ask, I can't lie) But now you're here in this bathroom, crying and judging yourself (stop that) Here's some stand up advice from a girl who can't stand up herself If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not I love that outfit, where'd you get that top? Yeah, nobody hates you, especially me Hakuna-ma-vodka, no worries baby Don't think for a second you're not like totally worth it Your mascara isn't running, your makeup's not ruined This message was brought to you by the messing up queen Sincerely, drunk me Well, I think we should talk about me I've done some stupid shit you wouldn't believe (get ready) I broke into a house one night to charge my phone (is that even legal?) And then I drunk dialed my ex 60 times Ya, honey, in one night It's called making mistakes and baby that's how you grow (If this is your voicemail, can you call me back?) Yeah, sober me has learned to look the other way She knows all the best stories, ya, they come from me If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not I love that outfit, where'd you get that top? Yeah, nobody hates you, especially me Hakuna-ma-vodka, no worries baby Don't think for a second you're not like totally worth it Your mascara isn't running, your makeup's not ruined This message was brought to you by the messing up queen Sincerely, drunk me Sincerely, drunk me Okay, okay Yeah, I don't know who out there needs to hear this Excuse me? Hello, are you even listening? If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not I love that outfit, where'd you get that top? Ya, nobody hates you, especially me (Okay, woah, I'm gonna get super deep) Don't think for a second you're not like totally worth it Your mascara isn't running, your makeup's not ruined This message was brought to you by the drunk, crying Messing up, probably should work on herself queen You know what? I'm trying my best, but I'm just, I'm just not there yet Sincerely, drunk me Ha, nailed it More like seriously drunk me Who gives me wine when I'm singing? This is a mistake, fuck it Rhinoceroses