Our Word

When I was a little girl Like really little, like eight or so I was playing in my father's study A place in the house I wasn't supposed to go My father fancied himself a sailor His study was filled with nautical decor He kept a boat in a bottle on the top of a shelf And it shattered on the ground when I slammed the door I told my mother everything I told her I was so, so sorry She told me, "Don't cry When he comes home tonight We can make everything okay This is all we have to say" "We don't remember a boat in a bottle It must've fallen off its shelf alone We know you loved it, we're so sad it's broken But neither one of us was even home" And it's our word Yes, our word Against his So I hid screw-ups from my father Made up school awards to please my mom Whatever made the steak taste better Whatever kept the waters calm I was told to keep their secrets And in turn, they'd keep mine As I got older, I got dumber I couldn't help but cross the line Three times I nearly wrecked my life Three times I nearly came to ruin Three times went crying to my parents Who said they'd make it go away Yes, this is all we had to say "We never rented a house in Sedona We didn't see Camille the day she died We haven't been on our boat in some years now So we don't care what you found inside" And it's our word Yes, our word It's our word Yes, our word Against theirs Somebody was paid (paid) To make it go away (away) Everyone was paid (paid) To make the problems go away (away) Doesn't matter who gets screwed Or who is blame Do what you need to do to clear your name An inconvenient truth can be easily erased When I was 26 I was living in New York I developed some fun habits Put my white blood cells to work I remember it so clearly I was home alone on a Tuesday night To level out, I'd popped some downers But couldn't seem to get my mind right I drew a bath and slipped into it And suddenly became aware I couldn't keep my head above water I took a final gasp of air And as I laid there helplessly A million different thoughts came to me I saw my parents hearing the news "Your only daughter drowned today" I thought about what they might say "Our daughter, Judith? No, she moved to Austin She's very happy there, or so we hear She's always been so goddamned independent The years go by, and now we barely see her" "Our daughter, Judith? You must be mistaken You mean the girl we raised as if our own? We loved her so much, she felt like our child But eventually, we had to send her home" It'd be their word Only their word It'd be their word Only their word On its own