The Internet - Dwayne Perkins: Song Lyrics, Music Videos & Concerts

The Internet

23

Standup Comedy

The Internet was released on October 22, 2021 by Comedy Dynamics, A Nacelle Company as a part of the album Please Believe It

Song Details

AlbumPlease Believe It

Release DateOctober 22, 2021

LabelComedy Dynamics, A Nacelle Company

LanguageEnglish

Melodicness

Acousticness

Valence

Danceability

Energy

BPM160

OVERVIEW

LYRICS

Music Video

Music Video

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS

Dwayne Perkins

Spoken Word

COMPOSITION & LYRICS

Dwayne Perkins

Lyrics

Lyrics

It's fun being a comedian

It's a lot of fun

It's a lot of work, you know?

I know it's crazy, it used to-

I don't think it was work before

But now it's a lot of work

Because you got to write jokes

That's easy, right?

But it's all the social media, people

It's just too much, man

And, you know, most people are great online

But you got some crazies out there

Some people are really, coo-coo

And I don't need everyone to like me

I'm not about that

I don't need you to like me

I'm from Brooklyn, I'm good, right?

But if you don't like me, I don't need you to tell me

You see what I'm saying?

Like, just don't like me over there

But everyone's got

You know when the best time to be a performer was?

It was the '80s

That was because it was like

There was TV, but you could

There was separation, you know?

Like, say you hated Lionel Richie in the '80s

You had no way of telling Lionel Richie

That you hated him

You had to eat that

Like, that was just something you had to stay away

Maybe you could tell your friends

Like, I hate Lionel Richie

Alright, alright, you couldn't just call Lionel Richie up

And be like, hello

Like, you couldn't do that

That was not an option

In fact, the only way you could tell Lionel Richie

That you hated him in the '80s

Was to buy a ticket to a Lionel Richie show

A good ticket

First ten rows, so he could hear you

Right, you had to drop some serious '80s coin

Like, 35 dollars, you had to pay 35 dollars

So you could be in the first ten rows

You got there early, you were stretching, you were getting ready

He's like, when he comes out

I'm gonna say, I hate you, Lionel Richie

I'm so excited, I'm gonna mess up the whole show

He's gonna know I hate him

He's gonna know

Then he came out

He went right to some Commodore songs

You forgot he was with the Commodores

He was like, well, some of the Commodore stuff

Is actually pretty cool, though

I like you, right?

Okay, after the Commodore stuff

I'm gonna say, I hate you, Lionel Richie

Then he did the song with Kenny Rogers

He was like, oh, I like that song, too, actually

Right, then he did "We Are the World"

He was like, oh, man, that's right

He wrote We Are the World, damn, man

After this, I'm gonna say

Then he did two other songs

You didn't even know it was Lionel Richie

About an hour and a half in, he was like

You know

Ah, I think I love Lionel Richie, actually (wow)

And the problem with the internet

Is that you can't get kicked off

That's the real issue with it

You can do whatever you want today

Come back, do it again

As a society, that's not how we set this thing up

The whole power we have to make everyone act right

Is we can

We can ostracize you

We can send you to jail, right?

We can send you to Australia

Like, wherever we need to send you

Even in this room, we can kick you out, right?

Internet, you come back the next day

Same problem with homeless people

You can't really tell homeless people what to do

You really can't, because they, they're already outside, you understand?

You can't kick them more outside, is what I'm saying

Like, how do you threaten them, right?

You keep backing up, I'm gonna get you in an apartment

I swear, I'll pay you first and last month rent

Play games with me and see if I don't set you up

In an apartment, but you gotta love the internet

Because everything's on there

Everything's on, YouTube is like

I can't believe YouTube

It's, you know it's the second search engine after Google

Which is crazy when you think about it

Like, YouTube, everything is on YouTube

Like, if you grew up and you didn't know your father, okay?

Don't hire an investigator, don't do that

Go to YouTube

Type, my daddy, and your dad will pop up on YouTube

Doing a nae nae, I promise you, he's there

Everything's on YouTube, it's an amazing thing

I'm telling you, 20 years from now

There won't be doctors, just be YouTube

Like, your appendix is hurting, you'll be like

Okay, which one of my friends has a steady hand?

You just, you bring up the YouTube

Skip the ad, dude, skip the ad!

This is a pretty good deal, though

Let me bookmark it, let me bookmark it

I'll come back, everything is on YouTube

My AC wasn't working, right?

I went to the manufacturer's website, nothing

I go to YouTube, type in my AC, three or four guys pop up

Teaching me how to fix my air conditioner

I was like, thanks, three or four guys

Yeah, one of the videos was in my apartment

I didn't know how it-

And I was like, yeah, I was really appreciative

I was like, thank you guys, but at the same time

I was like, who asked you to do this?

Like, why was this your responsibility?

I'm trying to, what did you wake up at 2 a.m. in a cold sweat?

Oh my gosh, there's people out there

That don't know how to fix their air conditioner filter

I've got to do it

That blows my mind

Anything in the world you need or want

Someone else in the world said, I got it, I got it

I'll do a video for you

Anything, you can go to YouTube and type

How do I wipe my butt?

Some guy will pop up

Hey guys, Jack Morris here

Please subscribe below

So a lot of people have been hitting me up

They say, Jack, how do I wipe my butt?

So simple, here's what you're gonna need

Some toilet paper and a butt

Follow me, guys, lets eh

Now I'm sorry that's a little out there, right?

I just thought of the craziest thing I could think of

But then I went back, I said, well, let me see

Let me research

Research my own joke, right?

I went to YouTube, I typed in, how do I wipe my butt?

Five videos

Five, I mean, five legitimate videos

With no irony, you see people, teaching you, right?

And who can this be for?

Who is this video for, really?

Who in the world

Knows how to read and write?

Owns a computer?

But also, doesn't know how to wipe their butt?

It's got to be for aliens, when you think about it

It's the only thing that makes sense

I, ah, I get all my music online, too

Because the radio station, you know

They play four songs all day, you know how that is

I actually heard Jay-Z on the radio recently

And the radio guy was talking to him

He was like, Jay, what do you feel about the music today, Jay?

There's no good music, you know?

And Jay-Z was all like, well, you know

There's good music out there

You just got to find it

You got to search for the music, hahaha, so-

It's your boy

So anyway, so think about what happened there

The radio station

Asked Jay-Z, where's the good music?

Jay-Z told the radio station

To find it, pow!

You're the radio station, like

That would be like if you went to a restaurant

And you call the chef over

Hey chef, can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah, this food is awful, it's crap

And the chef's like, yeah, yeah, yeah

There's good food out there though

You know what I mean? You gotta-

We can't serve it, but do your homework, it's out there

Sweet dunk

Written by: Dwayne Perkins

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