S.O.S.

I don't even know if I'm here anymore Like my body's here, but my spirit disappeared I wish I could retrace my steps and place where I went wrong (Please help me) I wish that you could save me, but I may be far too gone Put me out my misery I'm alive from where the drug addict won't survive Never see 35, call me Jesus Blanco Put a crown on it Drink up all the Crown Royal and the Grey Goose Vodka You know you hate life when you pray that you faint and remain unconscious But you can't get the job done Put a shotgun barrel to your face What caused this? It's my fault, it's always been that way Since I was a kid, I always been a fuck up Eavesdropping on my parents Tryna to discuss what they could do to me Ass whoopings haven't done much Felt like God was a man with a giant ass dick So I'm prayin' that I stop gettin' butt fucked But I'm sayin' something different out loud Really thinkin' he might punish me for sayin' all this fucked up Thought I would grow up one day and show up "Mom and dad, look, I'm not the loser you knew" Got a deal when I turned 32 But they still feel embarrassed for the music I do How I talk, how I dress, how they thought my success Would be gone in a second, I'd screw it up too Wish they never would've said that shit (You're right) 'Cause everything they assumed is comin' true There were times when I blew all the money And of course I could save, but I knew there was more to be made Makin' sure that I take care of my homeboys in a hole They were broke from the choices that they made By now I should have like 400k in the bank 'Cause I'm free from my contract But the money that I got to start a company was fronted Didn't cover my recovery, I'm about to fail a drug test Fuck this I wish I could retrace my steps and place where I went wrong I wish that you could save me, but I may be far too gone Put me out my misery Sick of suffering Feel like everyone I love has had enough of me Put me out my misery Sick of suffering I'm ashamed 'cause who I am ain't who I wanna be As a couple me and my lady lay in the covers, nothin' excites us We used to look forward to eatin' gourmet foods Stick a fork in the pie crust Goin' to a shrink, keep it dumb But he thinks I have been experimentin' on the drugs he prescribed us I ain't feelin' great, disappear I may Feel like someone put a deep incision in my brain Puttin' knives in my eye balls Right, get a eye shut, tryna move but I'm stuck I done got so lazy, I don't bath, I just wipe up I throw my phone, mine's on vibrate Don't wanna hear how normal everyone is, I'm not Wanna hop inside a ride and find a cliff to drive off My car probably flip and hit a pine tree Break the fall, paralyze me instead of dying I will be alive still, kinda luck I got "What's up, you're my guy, why you're so unhappy?" One, I see a mirror, hate the person lookin' at me Two, I hate my life, it's even worser bein' an addict Three, I hold a grudge, I bet the Lord above is laughing 'Cause I made it rappin' after 20 years When nobody cares about your music And I'm sick of postin' hashtags They don't buy your album either Now you gotta talk to people actin' like you're happy When you wanna take a trash bag Put it on your head and hang a rope around a fixture Still pissed I had to make my parents post a picture In the living room beside my brother and my sister Maybe they ashamed of me Knowin' that they kid sucked And each day is a bitch just tryna stay sober Nose gotta itch 'cause I sniffed drugs since '96 People think it's a cinch tryna quit I would give my left nut just to get drunk I should give up I wish I could retrace my steps and place where I went wrong I wish that you could save me, but I may be far too gone Put me out my misery I'm sick of suffering I feel like everyone I love has had enough of me Put me out my misery I'm sick of suffering I'm ashamed 'cause who I am ain't who I wanna be, ah