Overture / They're Either Too Young or Too Old

You marched away and left this town as empty as can be And I'm like the driftwood in a deadly calm at sea I can't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me For there is no secret lover that the draft board didn't discover They're either too young or too old They're either too gray or too grassy green The pickings are poor and the crop is lean What's good is in the army What's left will never harm me They're either too old or too young So, darling, you'll never get stung Tomorrow I'll go hiking with that Eagle Scout unless I get a call from grandpa for a snappy game of chess I'm finding it easy to stay good as gold They're either too young or too old They're either too warm or too cold They're either too fast or too fast asleep So, darling, believe me, I'm yours to keep There isn't any gravy, the graviest's in the navy They're either too fresh or too stale There is no available mail I will confess to one romance, I'm sure you will allow He tried to serenade me, but his voice is changing now They're either too bald or too bold I'm down to the wheelchair and bassinet My heart just refuses to get upset I simply can't compel it to With no Marine to tell it to I'm either their first breath of spring Or else, I'm their last little fling I either get a fossil or an adolescent pup I either have to hold him off Or have to hold him up The battle is on, but the fortress will hold They're either too young or too old I'll never, never fail ya When you are in Australia Or out in the Aleutians Or off among the Rooshians And flying over Egypt Your heart will never be gypped And when you get to India I'll still be what I've been to ya I've looked the field over And lo and behold They're either too young or too old