A Grand Little Adventure

Wide awake am I I'm just waiting all this time Wide awake am I Feel like I've been waiting all my life Look, I've always heard I'm in control of my own destiny But lately I've been feeling circumstance might get the best of me I do my best to keep in check the dark and find my joy But my fleeting smiles always feel like drops into the void Dripping moonlight to the chasm, quickly swallowed and obscured And soon I can't remember, am I worse or am I cured The roller coaster climbs and at the precipice it snaps Either way I'm coming down again, but this time rolling back It's a give and it's a take, less than stable either way Sad even during good times just knowing that they'll fade And happiness feels temporary, depression feels sustained Though intellectually I know they're two sides pressed to the same old coin And any day's a tossup left to chance No medicine or exercise, meditation, yoga stance Can guarantee today's a good one, promise it's in check And if it's bad the best I've got's a troubled sleep until the next Wide awake am I I'm just waiting all this time Wide awake am I Feel like I've been waiting all my life My eyes they're wide open, they seem to never close I've traded real sleep for a constant restless doze To say I sleep in late would be so wildly reductive The truth is I'm awake just not enough to be productive I'm waving at tomorrow like I'm excited just to see it Like I see who I might be and man, I cannot wait to be it Today becomes a yesterday and I still feel the same A cycle of inaction whose only action's passing blame Death by a thousand cuts? Try 10,000 days I feel just as lost today as I did at half my age The fruit has barely ripened, the wisdom hardly sage Another sheet sewn to the spine with nothing written on the page So what if that's all there really is? Like are these are symptoms or a consequence Of my own willingness to let myself get beat down to the ground And stay there til I'm picked up like my life's a lost and found Wide awake am I I'm just waiting all this time Wide awake am I Feel like I've been waiting all my life Wide awake am I I'm just waiting all this time Wide awake am I Feel like I've been waiting all my life Wide awake am I I'm just waiting all this time Wide awake am I Feel like I've been waiting all my life