album cover
Maury
212
Standup Comedy
Maury was released on September 18, 2012 by Comedy Central Records as a part of the album Cutting
album cover
AlbumCutting
Release DateSeptember 18, 2012
LabelComedy Central Records
LanguageEnglish
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy
BPM146

Music Video

Music Video

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS
Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer
Spoken Word
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer
Writer
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer
Producer
Jack Vaughn
Jack Vaughn
Producer

Lyrics

I think that that would be the best ever
Maury Povich baby daddy show
Don't you?
Can you imagine how amazing that would be?
I think he can do it
He's got the power
Like half the crowd would be priests, half rabbis
And the panel is Jesus, Mary, and Joseph
And Maury comes out, and he's like
In the case of Jesus Christ
God is not the Father!
And all the Jews are like, ah
We knew it!
And the priests are like, "Boo! Boo-hoo!"
And Joseph's like, you whore!
And Mary's like, ooh!
She's like, I didn't know what to tell you!
That's pretty elaborate, bitch
She's gonna rape something unforgettable
I don't know, oh, man
Oh, God damn it
I love that show
Don't you guys love that fucking show?
I love reality shows
They make me feel so much better about myself
But I miss out
I miss out on so many great reality shows
'Cause the titles throw me off
Like, my friends are all obsessed with that show
"The deadliest catch"
But I never watched it
'Cause I just assumed it was about AIDS
It's about crabs, nah
Not AIDS
Not about AIDS
Oh, God
That reminds me, my good friend Kristen, her cat just died
I feel like when we were younger
If your pet died, it meant it got hit by a car
Something normal
But now they're dying of all these like
Sophisticated diseases
Right? So I call her and I was like
Chris, I'm so sorry, I heard about
You know, Al Roker, her cat's name
I was like, what happened, car?
She was like, AIDS
I was like, I didn't even know your cat was gay
Like what?
Jokes!
Um
Written by: Amy Schumer
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