Phantom Limb

You became a natural part of my life

Your name an extension of mine

Wherever I was, you were there too

Until we spent all our time fighting in the living room

I felt the loss like an infection

I felt the creeping feeling on my skin

I felt it spread through my veins and into my heart

And I felt it tear us apart

Now I feel the ghost of your fingertips in my hand

Now I feel like nothing ever goes as I plan

Now I feel an ending every time I begin

Now I feel your absence like a phantom limb

they took the bone saw and went right through

And that was the last I ever saw of you

I looked down at where you were

And that was the epitome of my hurt

I tried to replace you in my life

Prosthesis could do the job just fine

But it didn't feel right, no it wasn't the same

It wasn't enough to calm my brain

I felt the silence

Like a necrotizing fasciitis

I felt it eat through my skin and down to the bone

And then I never felt so alone

Now I feel the ghost of your fingertips in my hand

Now I feel like nothing ever goes as I plan

Now I feel an ending every time I begin

Now I feel your absence like a phantom limb

My brain thinks that you're still here

But my heart knows that's wrong

The pain is shooting, stabbing, burning, piercing

But the source of it is gone

Sometimes I'm convinced that it's still as it was

Sometimes I'm convinced that we're still us

Then I feel like I'm no longer capable of love

That part of me was infected, severed, cut off

I feel every new beginning like a warning sign

Don't do what you did last time

Flashbacks to when I last felt whole

And then flashbacks to the greatest insecurity I've ever known

Now I feel the most of your fingertips in my hand

Now I feel like nothing ever goes as I plan

Now I feel an ending every time I begin

Now I feel my existence like a phantom limb