Got a lot of weight up on my shoulders

Yeah

Said I'm feeling like a soldier

With no gun in his hand

With no plan

No clip

Just his hand in a fist

With no mind to grip

This is fine

I spit

Simply to release the pain

Running in circles round the target that I work in

Rewriting this verse just to coerce the excursion of this curse outside of my mind

And finally put it into something else that's worth my time

Like blood runs, I do too

Unable to withstand the bruises

Unable to expand my view

It's killing me regardless if I write it down or not

Broken hearted whether my girl is here or not

Cause I'm not me

At least not completely, It's easy to retreat see

And run from the secrecies I keep within my head

And when I'm dead I hope they'll find a way out

Like I found a way to cope without a gun up in my mouth

Like I found a way to fight this fucking feeling of doubt

And spray myself an ocean just to spit on the drought

Fighting my battles on my own and backing up my family

Spreading myself too thin up on the bread I know can't be

The only one that's feeling the pressure of the world

The eyes of my loved ones expecting me to finish first

The eyes of my girl needing me to prosper.

Yeah I'm just feeling lost but,

Ain't this shit pointless

Cause when you die no one will notice

Yeah your friends and family move on without you

Yeah let's focus

Cause I'm on a different mission

I just want to be happy

And I don't know if you can tell but I'm overwhelmed

I'm putting my brain through hell

In a cell

With no cell

No way to reach the real world

Stuck in this prison that I made for myself

Specially suited to root out my clueless friends and family so I can keep intrusive thoughts close and my loved ones far

I wanna get bigger but dear god I feel small

I feel unimportant

Thinking about what she said

She thought I'd like the old her better

But all I can think about is the other guy who met her

The one before I was in the picture

And I picture them together

She said she was more confident, and fit

Was she the way she was because she was with him

Is the girl that I'm getting only broken because she's with me

Am I the reason she's suffocating and can not breathe

Was she happier without me? Happier with him

A better her without me and a better her with him

But I know it isn't true

Deep down I know I do

I kiss the scars that he gave her and give her something new

The feeling of love surrounding her endeavors

She'll never be alone again

It's her and I forever

I fight these thoughts by writing them down

And telling myself if it weren't for me she might still be on the ground

She says I deserve more credit to give myself

And yeah I think that's true

It's just hard to forgive myself for not meeting her sooner

To save her from her past but I know that I couldn't

I just wanna protect her but I know that I shouldn't

She's stronger than most, and from what I can see

Stronger than me, and I admire her will

Fighting so hard just to smile for real

I love her so much and I gotta be there,

So here I am, here for her, and all that she spills

Her emotions are mine and I believe in this love

There'll never be another for me, no, it's just us

Alas stress turns to anxiety which then turns to depression

Overthinking is my problem thought I'd all of my learned my lessons.

Can you tell I'm overwhelmed? War in my head

That's why I'm spitting bombshells

Thinking bout money and bills

Wish I had a spell to prosper from the will to keep myself still

Stuck in place like traffic. Unmoving, I'm not me

Nothing is real. Now if that were the truth I'd be much more chill

No problems or feels

Just life on replay like VHS tape

Wish I could disintegrate

Escape this cage I keep my soul in

Only way to battle is by keeping my flow going