Shot 'em Dead

Number One was a young girl's dream High school captain on the football team And he was sweet, baby sweet, he was sweet on me Senior year, oh I wore his ring And I was making him my everything Till I caught him in his car With the homecoming queen I shot him dead I shot him dead I shot him dead Bang bang, bang bang Number Two was a man of the law A million plaques hanging on his wall His name was Rob, drove a Saab Was a know-it-all One day he took his little magnifying glass And started waving it all over my past He asked questions that he never Should have asked So I shot him dead Did it again I shot him dead Bang bang, bang bang Number Three was a guy named Fred By now I'm sure you'll see how this one ends I shot him dead I got a taste for it I shot him dead Bang bang, bang bang, bang bang Number Four was a girl named Jane Her hair was red and her face was plain We read books and we cooked And she kept me sane We were happy for the rest of our lives Until the nursing home, age 99 I stole her applesauce I thought that she'd gone blind Nope She shot me dead She shot me dead It was just bad luck She shot me dead Bang bang, bang bang