Well back when I was in grammar school I woke up one mornin’ and thought I’d fool my mama into thinkin’ I was sick so I could stay home so I didn’t get up when the clock went off I just laid there fakin’ a real bad cough and when my mama stuck her head in the door I just laid real still and moaned ohhhhh

She said, “What in the world is wrong with you?” I said, “Mama I got the Hong Kong flu or the German measles or some other dread disease.” My throat’s so sore I can hardly talk and my legs are so weak I don’t think I can walk” She said

“Get outa that bed boy and crawl over here I got just what you need. A nice warm soapy water enema is what you need she said, A nice warm soapy enema will straighten out your little head. Now you don’t look that sick at all and a dose of salts and some castor oil and a nice warm soapy water enema that’s what you need" she said.

I still remember what I said

Uh what is a enema Mama?

What? Oh No- Mama! – Oh!

Mama that’s enough! Yeow!

Now that’s one lesson that I learned well

The last lie about being sick I’d tell

I went straight through graduation

And never missed a day

But by the time I’d reached my last year of college

My head was so full of useless knowledge

I’d lost all my focus

I was depressed and in a real bad way

So I came home and told my mom and dad

About all the doubt’s and questions I had

Like- what’s the meaning of life and is God dead

And why are we all here

My dad said he had questions hisself

Ma said “Paw you ain’t a lick of help

Then she walked over to where I was sittin

And just grabbed by the ear. Yeow!!

A nice warm soapy water enema

Is what you need she said

A nice warm soapy water enema

Will straighten out your head

No need to give the psychiatrist a call

You’re not that kind of sick at all

And a nice warm soapy water enema

Is what you need instead

“Hold him down Paw!

He ain’t too big for me to straighten out!”

“No-oh no-oh mama!

Wait! That’s enough!”

When I hear folks a-whinin’ and complainin’ so today I always think of mama and I know just what she’d say

A nice warm soapy water enema

That’s what they need you bet

A nice a warm soapy enema

Would help’em not forget

That life is tough and life is hard

But there’s always something harder by far

And a nice warm soapy water enema

Dang sure might be it

I’d like to give that congress a call and line ‘em up and down ma’s hall and a nice warm soapy water enema that’s what they all should get

Let’s start with you senator

Where do you think you are goin’ Congressman…

You come back here!

You think you can represent the folks that elected you for a change?