Don't Count on Me

Whenever you're in need or just feeling down Remember that I'm probably on tour in a different town If you're in a bind or feeling against a wall Please don't make me one of the first people that you call And I mean this very sincere-ioushly Don't count on me 'Cause I'm the worst If I'm there it'll be a surprise To so many other friends that I'd call first It's not that I don't care I just don't care very much Because I'm either on the spectrum or just plain out of touch That's who I am That's what I do I could change if I wanted to But I don't But if you really (but if you really) Need someone to count on (need someone to count on) To bring you stress To extinguish happiness And anxiety and duress You can always count on me 'Cause I'm chalant, I'm inspiteful I am bendable, anti-pliable I'm a cockroach in a salad I'm in invalid, not invalid I'm an empty diary As useful as a college degree I put the 'emo' in chemotherapy So if you ever really need some one to be there Don't count on me I'm just a clown I'm gonna wind you up I'm gonna cheer you down I made the choice to accept what people think of me I'll be your whipping boy or your friendly effigy I'll even go down for the count Down count on me I don't I was born in the beginning so I won't be there in the end So feel free to call me friendly Just please don't call me friend After 30 years I'm still the new guy Sometimes guitaring feels like work When I feel like Chekhov or Sulu And Fatty's Captain Kirk I think he's the punk rock William Shatner I can see the similarity His clothes are too tight He's out of touch and lacks sensitivity Don't look at me like you're in shock Smelly is our Richard He sure ain't Mr Spock And Melvin is a Klingon Look they got the same shaped face And I'm Sorry to tell you, Jefe But in the future there's still no Mexicans in space So don't count on me Cause I couldn't be prouder the coke I shared with you Was just crank and baby powder Just like Cokie The Clown I'm gonna wind you up, I'm gonna cheer you down Cause this is what I consider fun Making you think the summer's already done So don't count on me Don't count on me