I'm Okay I Swear

Spent a lot of time tryna find myself but I'm not quite sure it helped When my grandpa died I was lost for a while It was struggle with my mental health I thought I knew God at one point And maybe I did But we just lost touch Or maybe I was just a kid that thought He knew way too much Either way I'm lost still Gotta wear my cross still Cuz without it I feel so awful Maybe I'm just not built To live a life that's so docile I can't be taught or managed By myself or anybody I'm too young with too much money I should love what I'm becoming But I don't And it's almost funny at this point What more is there for me to do? A whole lot but I'm not sure it'll clear all the blues Whether I'm off of the grid Or the top of the news I'm in my thoughts Tryna figure what makes me who I really am And maybe that's anxiety talkin I care a little bit too much About the people that's watchin I see the end of the road, then I end up stopping And maybe that's just so I don't end up knocking On the door of the end so soon I don't got to bed till I see no moon I care about this life so much then I spend it in my room Assuring myself I'll be good soon The irony kills me too But that's how I've been let me Let me Let me hear about you I don't feel much no more I'm like a fraction of the person that I was before If my therapist heard this I'm pretty sure That she would tell me it's not good to ignore All of the trauma that i've built in my head What trauma though? I swear all of that happened so long ago I've been okay For all the past days I'm not sure what changed but everything's great I promise If you saw how clear it is you'd be astonished And all those demons well they're goners Why are you looking at me like that? I swear I'm being honest I'm sorry bout that I swear I'm not mad I guess I detached Where did I leave at Oh yes I'm okay So you can go away There's no more old days Just leave me so please I'm I'm okay I swear I am I'm okay I swear I am I'm okay I swear I am I'm okay I swear that I am So why do I feel this again I'd trade the world just to be content But when I see myself don't know who I am I think that I'm the one I'm fighting against Wake up Jon Please wake up Know you love this world you're in but it's made up I know there's a part of you that contains a Whole lot of tragedy So you became a Shell of a person that you were before I'm not sure If you're even still in there anymore But if you are please let me in Because a whole lot's happened ever since You've been gone And everybody's asking me what went wrong And what am I supposed to say to them, Jon? Oh yeah he checked out for a few years But I'm quite sure one day he gone reappear And as scary it sounds, you should have no fear Cause he's in a better place now that he's not here Yeah, I'm sure that'll go over well Matter of fact, why don't you go tell them yourself? Wake up Jon Please wake up Know you love this world you're in but it's made up I know there's a part of you that contains a Whole lot of tragedy And some pain but I need you right now The voices are getting too loud I've got my head up in the clouds Trying to avoid all the sound I'm lost I'm okay I swear I am I'm okay I swear I am I'm okay I swear I am I'm okay I swear that I am So why am I crying again I lose myself just to be content But in the process I can feel myself dying And I don't know where my mind has been