White Knuckling

Is this a rite of passage

Or a bad one-woman show?

Cause I keep crying in public

Riding the red line 'til it's closed

Sadness never was my habit

That was always his to claim

But the light he loves keeps dimming

I forget what keeps me sane

White knuckling through the change

While I'm digging both my heels into the ground

When I hear her angels chew me out

Get off the train

Wipe your face

Let your fists hang down

My mom always says

She knows her kids are doin' fine

And she doesn't hear from us, but lately

I've been calling every night

Cause burned beneath my eyelids

Lori is struggling out of her chair

But at least they stopped the chemo

So that she could die with her hair

And all my friends are overseas

And I don't miss them at all

So, I wander these familiar streets

And cry when I get cat-called

White knuckling through the change

While I'm digging both my heels into the ground

When I hear her angels chew me out

Get off the train

Wipe your face

Let your fists hang down

Nothing makes me more aware

Of the goodness that I've seen

Like being absolutely terrified

The future can't compete

But I sense the wind is coming

So, I'm trying to grow wings

So that when it does, it billows

And gives me a song to sing

Cause I'm running out of metaphors

My neck is feeling strained

And if my audience is getting bored

Then, death, you take the blame

White knuckling through the change

While I'm digging both my heels into the ground

When I hear her angels chew me out

Get off the train

Wipe your face

Let your fists hang down

Get off the train

Wipe your face

Let your fists hang down