Dear Beloved

I'm calling out to you Do you think about me too But that's a silly question Don't know what it's like in heaven It's been a couple years Still can't believe you gone The more I'm blowing up The deeper that I fall Wish I could show you what I done And hear you say you proud And I probably wouldn't be smoking all this fucking loud You would be my company All you had was love for me Don't feel it now Only bad vibes and bad energy Mama pray for me Demons got a hold on me I quit the bottle I just need my water holy And writing music is my spiritual remedy And when I die I hope they tell 'em I was legendary God speed God's plan I'm really him I'm the man Got it out the mud no one gave a hand No one gave me shit not even a band Toxic masculinity and post traumatic stress Got to pick the pieces on my own I got to do the rest I didn't see myself going through this kind of tragedy When I heard the news Oh I felt this sharp pain my chest Proud or disappointed Really torn between the two Doesn't help that you not here Cause I'd like to hear it straight from you I been thinking about the times that I was rude How I was petty too and I gave you attitude My life changed in a moment in an instant Keep fading from my memory we been distant I can't put my heart on ice no more I got to listen Got to find a way to fill my void Something's missing Life ain't been what it was Ex thought I was a bust All them days in the dust A nigga had to adjust Wild West in the desert Through the back through the exit How it felt when I came on the scene Been killing it and I'm only 19 Nigga I'm just getting started You feel the pain in my voice I really been in the gutter To the top making noise I had to build my own ladder I'm on the road to the Fendi jeans Gucci, Louis and Prada I remember when I lost my dad all my dreams were shattered But now, to the top To the moon I don't care about where I'm at I'm the hottest in the room I'm like a Lily around some thorns, right now my time to bloom Like onomatopoeia I'm blowing up, boom