Deconstruction

Find your way, find your way Find your way, find your way Find your way back home No, time won't take too long, put it behind you You can still find your way, find your way Find your way, find your way Find your way back home When you feel too far gone He can still find you I deconstructed long before people knew what to call it I know that's scary to some folks, so hold on, let me pause it Take you back to how it started, maybe you relate Maybe you ain't never met me, but you know my pain Focused on Jesus in Atlanta, fresh from Tennessee Wasn't legalistic, catch me with a cup of Hennessy I would speak at churches, hang with leaders and such You know, Judah, Piper, and Keller, Tony Evans was clutch I was so involved, never thought that I could fall, y'all Right before the fall of 2015, I was all off It involved killing Michael Brown, had me feeling down Tweeted 'bout it, Christians call me clown, I was losing ground And Voddie was a hero of mine, met with him plenty times This time, when he spoke, it cut me deeper than I realized Doubled-down, spoke about my pain, I was met with blame "Shame on you, 'Crae, stop crying, get back to Jesus' name" Cut me deep, I was losing sleep, "God, ain't these Your sheep?" Why they hate me like they do? Maybe grace is really cheap Maybe this is all a lie, they don't really love me They just love it when I say the things they wanna hear in public They're like following they God mean turnin' on Black people Is Black evil? Why do they hate and attack people? I'm vulnerable and cautious, I'm reading Baldwin Ta-Nehisi got me thinking, now I'm going all in I ain't know if God was real no mo' Every day we gettin' killed and I can't deal no mo' I started slipping in the darkness, I'm feeling heartless Christians got me traumatized, I don't know who God is Drinking liquor for my therapy, and smoking Mary tree Maybe I should get divorced, I don't know why she married me What's the purpose? What's the point? Nothing matters, I'm just matter, I'm just atoms Ain't no Eve and ain't no Adam Where the Xannies? Let me at 'em I was floating in confusion until I dropped Woke up in a clinical depression, then it all stopped Sinnin' like Saul 'til I hit Damascus God knocked me off the mule 'fore I hit the casket Heard a faint voice calling me late, I couldn't sleep It said, "'Crae I know you love Me, I need you to feed My sheep" Tears streaming as I weep, felt I heard the Lord speak I've been running from You, but You never ran away from me It was people that hurt me, it wasn't God, though I let the church trauma turn into a God wound I learned the western world has twisted up the Scriptures, so when I re-enlisted I learned the eastern context the way that Jesus meant it My peace has been cemented, my soul has been re-lifted My deconstruction ended, reconstruction is beginning My peace has been cemented, my soul has been re-lifted My deconstruction ended, reconstruction is beginning Find your way, find your way Find your way, find your way Find your way back home No, time won't take too long, put it behind you You can still find your way, find your way Find your way, find your way Find your way back home When you feel too far gone He can still find you I'll never be the same Be the same I'm comin' back to you Coming back