Love Letter

My dear beloved I fear love as I fear you Through my laughter, I can hide what bothers me Not always Sometimes I laugh because I laugh I cried when you left I cried so hard I cried 'til no tears were left to cry And I hated love I felt empty and worn Betrayed and used I felt abandoned and useless All felt useless and unworthy It was then, that I closed all doors to my heart I closed them and I laughed, but I did not really laugh After a while, I started to feel joy again I discovered music again and I wrote I wrote so much And all the while I hoped to never see you again Because, seeing you meant to feel again your touch I will never forget how we sat in perfect Silence, listening to bad musicians trying to be funny And we said nothing, and just held each other I shall never forget that It was then that I knew that, a part of me belonged to you forever And I could not say what part it was It wasn't my body, and it was more than my heart Some would call it magic, others love I don't know how you call it I don't know what it was, but I could have sat there forever And now, I'm coming back Although it was you who left But I'm coming And I fear love I fear love, because more than love, I fear rejection I fear rejection and abandonment, and blame, guilt or addiction To not be touched To not be loved That is what I fear Yes, I fear to not be loved In fact, to fear to not be loved Belongs to love, because love is so delicate It disappears if you do not care for it Love is like snow It falls only under certain conditions and it Stays only for a season and then, melts away That is what I have experienced with love And why with you is it, that I want it to stay forever? And then it's not winter nor spring Is the moment when I touch your hands And feel your nearness and your silence And within this silence I can hear you, but not in words I hear something else And it can only be you, because you sound different You sound different than the rest And I have heard many, but you sound different Like the palms of your hands, they felt unique in mine As if they belonged to me Your head on my breasts, feel like the first touch Your lips when they rest on my skin They feel like the only lips, I want to have on me everywhere softly I want your gentle love Yes, I fear brutality and violence Within this softness, because I know it I have known it And now, I fear love Maybe I have always feared But I'm coming, my love I'm coming And I want to be gentle And I want your gentle touch Please be patient with me I have known other than pure love I have known other than pure love Let us be gentle, my love And not fear love Let us, be us Let us be touched by silence When we hold each other's hands When we hold each other's hands