Party Dog

I didn't come to your party to talk about boring shit

I don't care about the weather, baby

I didn't come to your party to eat all your chips and dip

(But I might just anyway)

I did not RSVP so your new boyfriend can get to know me

Everybody at the party has a job

And mine is to

Pat that motherfuckin' party dog

Gotta get it, gotta let that dog

In your bedroom with no one else around

And if you roommate walks in, I say

"Fuck off, this is dog-pat town

And you don't have a passport"

Then he says something dumb like

"I don't need a passport for municipal interstate travel"

This is a sovereign city state

Like the Vatican

Gotta get it, gotta let that dog (yeah)

And I'm the pope of patting party dog, party dog

Highly plosive, pious on that pope shit

Pope of pattin' party dog that's my job

Check the census, you will see a big

F-f-f-fat fresco painted of me

With the big pope hat at the back of the party

One hand full of dip, and one hand full of corgi

Got to get it, got to pet that dog (yeah)

So kiss the ring, motherfucker, and I'll let you stay

And let this dog with me in the backroom of this

Weak-ass party

But don't you dare try to talk to me

While we pat this dog and your roommate agrees

Silently we pat in harmony 'til I say, "Craig"

"My name's Tim"

"Get this dog some cheese, Craig"

Ooh, it's dog and I alone again

Don't speak, you don't have to say it, we both hate Craig

God damnit

He pats too hard, he pats too fast

He's a drug addict

He tried to sell me meth

I'm the pope of petting party dog, even Craig knows

But the motherfucker thinks that he's the Camerlengo

That's the mofo who takes over the pope show

If the pope dies also

Googling what "Camerlengo" means

Leads me to the Wikipedia of the Vatican

It says the Vatican has no immigration

No passport necessary

Fuck!

Now my pope metaphor sucks

The Vatican has an open border policy with the rest of Italy

(Wikipedia of the Vatican) where did I go wrong?

(Wikipedia of the Vatican) why are you in this song?

Why are you here?

(Wikipedia of the Vatican) I'm done being told what I'm allowed to be

By a fucking Wiki (Wikipedia of the Vatican)

I didn't come to your party to talk about boring shit

I don't care about the weather, baby

I didn't come to your party to be told

How to live my life by a godamn website

I did not RSVP to be shamed by an encyclopedia

Everybody at the party has a job and mine is to

Pat that motherfuckin' party dog

(Gotta get it, gotta pet that dog)