(If) The Book Doesn't Sell

More so than me She knows my name And more so than me Understands this pain I'm either too lost Or not lost enough I think I'm too smart For this type of love I wasn't sent off But straight to the ground And I know God best Is one with no crown Don't know why the past affects me in this way Don't know where I'll go if I leave here today But I know my limits and you're not the type To be fooling around in this way No reason you're here but there's reasons to stay Not as easy to know as it's easy to say 'Cause to my family and my friends I can't think of one thing That I gain But more for me And more for me More for me Age 14 at midnight I hear voices from the kitchen I let my feet follow the sound as I let my ears listen I walk upstairs and at the kitchen table I can see That God is sitting with the Devil, sharing drinks and old stories The floorboard creaks A red embarrassment floods all throughout God's face He swears that it's not what it looks like Then he swears he can explain The Devil speaks "Your God and I put all our differences to rest And though man's actions are his own But man will blame us nonetheless" The Devil stands He grabs his keys and straightens out a rusted crown He tells me, "Hell is frozen over Heaven burned down to the ground And you have only got one life So do with it what you would like We solemnly apologize but we won't be there when you die" And I stand cold and alone in a body that won't move Watching the eyes of these gods that I once knew One pair looks down in a half-hearted lie while The other looks straight into mine with a whole truth Lacking the fear I've been told that God deserves I say, "What good is a prayer that goes unheard" He says, "What hope could they find in a book If the book doesn't sell and the pages stay unturned" And with a wink, the Devil turns and exits the back door And God is standing there in silence with his eyes glued to the floor But then he speaks "I am no savior but I give them what they need And there has never been a dreamer who prefers reality The war for truth is raging on but it's not one you have to fight And if it is the truth you want, then it is hope you'll sacrifice It's yours to choose and you can choose This is not the way I am, this is just how I was raised So let me make up my own mind, let me map out my own way And to the parents of the kids with tongues down in their throats Because of tears that you will cry If they don't stick to what they know I'm sure you're giving it your best And I am sure it takes a toll But whether God given or not Our lives are not to be controlled Just let us choose