Numbers

It's not what I thought it would feel like The praise that's seeping in It goes as quick as it comes Like it's carried by some strong wind And I know what it seems like That I'm thinking on leaving again And maybe I'm just a little shallow And if it's true that still waters run deep Well then, I've been swiftly moving Can the others see right through me? My masquerades and my illusions That I've crafted so carefully Well, I'm just a broken illusion Not as tough as I oughta be Well, the flowers my mama bought me They only keep for two weeks And then they just become another reminder That he's never gonna write to me And I spoke my fears to my mother She said "Honey, just let it be" And then she sent some pretty flowers With the hopes that my hurting they would ease Well, you would think that I should feel happy But the truth is I feel spent And the numbers they've been climbing Just not enough to pay my rent I didn't use to think much of the numbers But now, they're always racing through my head And I guess that I grew a little shallow When I forsook the words that my mama once said And now, my thoughts are slow and twisted And I can't seem to break them down Which leaves my words false in meaning I feel sad when I speak out loud I thought I was to be a better lover When I got out of that town But I'm still no good in loving And loving only leaves me losing anyhow Yes, I'm still no good in loving And loving only leaves me losing anyhow