Not Fine

I've been waiting on a sign since I was only a kid Painted pictures in my mind the type of life I would live I could never expect Never believe That anything good could happen to me I've been sitting with my thoughts longer than ever before Meditated on mistakes just to make room for more Imperfection is in fashion, and I wear it with pride To match emotions on my sleeve just to prove that I'm fine But I'm not fine I'm just playing pretend I don't want to disappoint you While I'm losing myself again And it's not fine The way I spend my days To be feeling this way As often as I do I've been walking with a shadow made of fear and of doubt Takes some deeper conversations just to figure me out I can't fight what I've been feeling cuz I'm feeling uneasy Pretty sure if I was happy, it still wouldn't please me Cuz I'm not fine I'm just playing pretend I don't want to disappoint you While I'm losing myself again And it's not fine The way I spend my days To be feeling this way As often as I do And I know that it gets better I know that I'll be good I would fight for self-forgiveness If I could But for now, I'm not fine I'm just playing pretend I don't want to disappoint you while I'm losing myself again And it's not fine The way I spend my days To be feeling this way As often as I do This music feels like breathing These notes take up my lungs This melody is speaking These lyrics on my tongue This music feels like breathing These notes take up my lungs This melody is speaking To the person I've become But for now, I'm not fine I'm just playing pretend I don't want to disappoint you while I'm losing myself again And it's not fine The way I spend my days To be feeling this way To be feeling this way As often as I do