Poor Unfortunate Souls

My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for To help unfortunate merfolk like yourself Poor souls with no one else to turn to I admit that in the past I've been a nasty They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways Repented, seen the light, and made a switch To this True? Yes And I fortunately know a little magic It's a talent that I always have possessed And dear lady, please don't laugh I use it on behalf Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic) Poor unfortunate souls In pain, in need This one longing to be thinner That one wants to get the girl And do I help them? Yes, indeed Those poor unfortunate souls So sad, so true They come flocking to my cauldron Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!" And I help them! Yes I do Now it's happened once or twice Someone couldn't pay the price And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals Yes I've had the odd complaint But on the whole I've been a saint To those poor unfortunate souls Have we got a deal? If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again But you'll have your man heh heh Life's full of tough choices isn't it? Heh heh Oh, and there is one more thing We haven't discussed the subject of payment But I don't have- I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle! What I want from you is - your voice But without my voice, how can I- You'll have your looks, your pretty face And don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha! The men up there don't like a lot of blabber They think a girl who gossips is a bore! Yet on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word And after all dear, what is idle babble for? Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation True gentlemen avoid it when they can But they dote and swoon and fawn On a lady who's withdrawn It's she who holds her tongue who get's a man Come on you poor unfortunate soul Go ahead! Make your choice! I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day It won't cost much Just your voice! You poor unfortunate soul It's sad but true If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet You've got the pay the toll Take a gulp and take a breath And go ahead and sign the scroll Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her boys The boss is on a roll This poor unfortunate soul