Travelin' Song

Determined to prove everyone wrong Maizy packed her one good dress And her two good virtues And headed for the big, scary city You take the truck (you take the truck) To the rock (to the rock) By the ducks by the dock (aw) Grab a boat that'll float Take a donkey to a horse To a bull to a turkey to a goat And then you jump (and then you jump) You jump on the road (you jump on the road) Till it runs out of dirt By the Methodist church (by the Baptist church) By the Church of Christ Where she got baptized in the Whiskey River Where there used to be a barn Before there was a twister It's a skip (it's a skip) Then a frog (then a frog) On a log to a Greyhound dog Then a bus to a bus and you might need to rush To an Uber to a train Got a ticket with your name And we just touch down in a Southwest plane (Just touch down in a Southwest plane, oh) In Tampa I came all the way through Nashville and Atlanta Do I send a postcard or a pigeon back to Grandpa? Tell him everything is beautiful in Tampa In Tampa Everyone's a Tina or a Tamara It's a bleach and platinum blonde extravaganza Yeah, everyone is beautiful in Tampa It's not at all (it's not at all) What I've been told (what she's been told) The sand is white, the sun is gold (white, gold) And all the people are so old Get a tan, take a stroll Then dip your toe in the Gulf of Mexico And they all said (and they all said) I'd lose my way (she'd lose her way) That this was just a big mistake But how could I go wrong With Chinese food and frozen yogurt every day? (ooh, fro-yo) Every day? Every day? (Every single day) They got a doctor for your face And one to freeze the fat away And one to help you with addictions for afflictions such as porn And one for corn And one for corn! And one for corn (and one for corn, and one for corn) In Tampa Between the Botox and the tannin' beds in plasma Now there's a reason for another stanza (another stanza) Man, I really should've brought a camera Some guy offered me something called marijuana Seems that they've got everything (That's the reason that we sing) Because we have everything They got everything In Tampa!