Dad was a Clyde, ma was a Bonnie

My brother a con, my sister a connie

And then they had me, a fly in the ointment

In a long line of hustlers, a big disappointment

I got the charm (You do) and I got the looks (Sure do)

Got my DNA from the world's finest crooks (Finest crooks)

A professional poser

A counterfeit cad (A counterfeit cad)

Why can't I be better (Better than who?)

At just bein' bad?

You can do better, can do better, can do better

If only you could be better at just bein' bad

A disgrace to my fam'ly (Yep!)

Mocked by the mob (Uh-huh!)

'Cause I robbed a bank that had already been robbed (No way!)

My pyramid schemes (All of his schemes) all turn into squares (turn into squares)

When I need a strike

I'm always a spare ('Cause you're always a spare)

Oh, but I could be king (A king)

If I could just find the pawn (Checkmate)

Oh, I'd be a pro

At bein' a con (You'd be the greatest conman)

The tables I'd run

The numbers I'd pad (The numbers you'd pad)

If I could be better (Better than who?)

At just bein' bad! (Bein' bad!)

I could dig my way out of this ditch

If I had (If you had) just one more wagon to hitch

Be a plaid-wearing, really rich son of a bitch like my dad (Oh, dad)

I gotta get better (You gotta get better)

Or I'll end up deader (A million times deader)

Unless I get better (Better than before)

At just bein' bad!

You can do better, just do better

Just be better at bad!