Dying To Live (feat. Harbyn, Marcus Smith & Tracee Shade)

I’m dying to live

And that’s just the way that it is

But I know

I can come back from this

Yesterday, I said “Goodbye” for the last time

I wish I’d said more but I thought we had time

But time ain't promised, like rings to baby mamas

Now I’m sitting, thinking “How are you gone and I'm just fine?”

I ain't coping well. I thought I saw you downtown

I had the windows open, listening to loud sounds

Riding ‘round, bumping Flo Rida, “Right Round”

Right now, it's all that I can do to not drown

I still have tickets to that show we were about to see

The fuck I look like, front row, if you ain't next to me?

I think you textin me, but it’s phantom buzzing

It reminded me of singing karaoke with your cousin

That was good times, many good vibes

Billy Joel said, “Only good die”. You was a good guy. I should cry

So if you hear this, man, know that I'm trying

Know I'm dying to live, while a part of me is dying

I’m dying to live

And that’s just the way that it is

But I know

I can come back from this

I hope you got my last message

You know your mom and dad are still stressing

Your little brother is a mess. It's been a year

It’s like you wasn't even here

So I'm trying to kill the memories with beer and marijuana

I ain't been sober since I saw ya

Last fall, right before they threw the dirt up on ya

I wanna go and be a figure for your daughter

Share all your wisdom and life lessons, dawg, I

I had a moment last month at therapy

Doctor said let it out like you was hearing me

So I screamed, told you, “Tell me why you do this?” No answer

I punched the fucking wall until my hands hurt

Cancer or fucking Lupus is something stupid I could’ve handled

I wasn't thinking, like, maybe that my man’s hurt

I'm sorry you couldn’t tell me

I never realized. Now it's nothing but tears in my eyes

I’m dying to live

And that’s just the way that it is

But I know

I can come back from this

What up Dame, I see the family ain't been the same

I'm in God's hands now, I'll keep a place in your name

Imagine my surprise seeing J.C. at the gate

Tears in my eyes, never thought I'd see this place

Cause they used to say ain't no coming back from such a sin

No matter what you goin through, take a breath and give in

To the almighty, take his hand, let him in

You a man with a plan but you mortal in the end

But anyway, I got your other message

It definitely hurts the soul to see my mother stressing

You know Dad always been a master of deception

Still joking even when you ask the tougher questions

I wish I coulda told my lil' bro congratulations

He pointed to the sky on stage at graduation

Made my baby girl look up at me

I wonder if she saw me cause she looked so happy

But get this though

You and I still vibe at the same time

Bumpin' Flo-Rida, lose our mind at the same line

Right Round still on my karaoke soundtrack

They got everything here so I had to find that

Competition pretty stiff here

But I don't think they got nothin' on you

Everyone's voice is crystal clear but that Marcus Smith flair?

Nah kid that's coming with you

Now if you can show my daughter how to sing like you

Show her a little music thing or 2

I feel like that could be the thing to do to get some light shining back in your life

I shoulda followed my advice

I tried to catch you after therapy man I saw your hand looking red

Then I saw the hole in the wall

But I don't think that you was hearing me when you rushed home to get in bed

I wanna give some closure for all

Now hear me out, it's not your fault bro

Black in this society is beautifully awful

Like playing Madden for the first time on all-pro

Coach the team while being the players also

I did what I can to provide for my seed

100 hours a week so she ain't never in need

Since her mom ain't wanna be around, it was on me

A burned out dad was something I ain't want her to see

But the arrogance got me, though I prayed a lot

I tried to muscle my way through all the pain I got

The suffering's gone, I know this message is long

So ima hit you up again on your next song

I love you kid. Peace

I’m dying to live

And that’s just the way that it is

But I know

I can come back from this