I Told Her Lies

I took my baby home one night After a picture show. She said, "Rob, I'd like to take you in, But first I need to know: Is it my body that you want, Or the real girl inside?" So I looked deep into my heart And I told her lies. YEAH, I told her lies; I told her lies, Big and little, long and tall, Every shape and size, And when she unlocked the door, I knew I'd won the prize. I couldn't tell her what I thought, So I told her lies. ... Well, livin' on love would not do; She had to tie the knot. We bought the rings and made the plans Quicker than a rifle shot, And when the justice said, "Now, do you swear?" I gazed into her eyes, And in a voice sincere with fingers crossed, I told her lies. Yeah, I told her lies; I told her lies, Big and little, long and tall, Every shape and size, Till when I heard the word "forever," 'Twas then I realized I couldn't tell her what I thought, So I told her lies. ... NEXT ... Now as the years went drifting by, Temptation slowly grew. I'd stalk a tramp from time to time; I even slept with two, But no matter how I betrayed her, I made sure to keep it hid, And every time she got suspicious, Well, you know what I did: I told her lies; I told her lies. Well, I chased women long and tall, Every shape and size. She kept bein' faithful; I kept up my disguise. I couldn't tell her what I'd done, So I told her lies. ... Yeah, we lived on in perfect bliss And then one day I died, And as my soul flew heavenward, I looked below and spied A graveside filled with mourners And everyone in tears, And when the preacher rose to speak, I could not believe my ears. He said I'd been the kind of man All others aspire to be: A loyal friend, a loving spouse; That rat lied more than me! So fellas, if you want to stand tall In humanity's eyes, Just pay no mind to the laws of God; Keep tellin' those lies. Yeah, I told her lies; I told her lies, Big, little, long and tall, Every shape and size. I shunned the good; I spat on the true; All virtue I despised. I couldn't tell her what I thought, So I told her lies. I told her lies.