A Little Priest

That's all very well, what're we gonna do about him?

Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place and bury him

Well, of course, we could do that

I don't suppose he's got any relatives going to come poking around looking for him

You know me, bright ideas just pop into me head and I keep thinking

Seems a downright shame

Shame?

Seems an awful waste

Such a nice plump frame what's-his-name has

Had

Has

Nor it can't be traced

Business needs a lift

Debts to be erased

Think of it as thrift, as a gift

If you get my drift

No?

Seems an awful waste

I mean

With the price of meat what it is

When you get it, if you get it

Good, you got it

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop

Business never better, using only pussycats and toast

And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most

And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste

Mrs. Lovett

What a charming notion, eminently practical and yet appropriate as always (Well, it does seem a waste)

Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know (It's an idea)

Think about it, lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming for a shave (How delectable)

Won't they? (Also undetectable)

Think of all them pies (How choice, how rare)

For what's the sound of the world out there?

What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd

What is that sound?

Those crunching noises pervading the air?

Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd

Yes, all around

It's man devouring man, my dear

And who are we to deny it in here?

Ah, these are desperate times

Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for

Here we are, hot from the oven

What is that?

It's priest

Have a little priest

Is it really good?

Sir, it's too good, at least

Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh

So it's pretty fresh

Awful lot of fat

Only where it sat

Haven't you got poet or something like that?

No, you see the trouble with poet

Is how do you know it's deceased?

Try the priest

Mmm, heavenly

Ah

Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then not as bland as curate, either

And good for business, always leaves you wanting more

Trouble is, we only get it in Sundays

Lawyer's rather nice

If it's for a price

Order something else, though, to follow

Since no one should swallow it twice

Anything that's lean?

Well then, if you're British and loyal

You might enjoy Royal Marine

Anyway, it's clean

Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been

Is that squire on the fire?

Mercy no, sir, look closer

You'll notice it's grocer

Looks thicker, more like vicar

No, it has to be grocer, it's green

The history of the world, my love

Save a lot of graves, do a lot of relatives favors

Is those below serving those up above

Everybody shaves, so there should be plenty of flavors

How gratifying for once to know

That those above will serve those down below

Now, let's see, we've got tinker

Something pinker

Mmm, tailor?

Mmm, paler

Potter?

Hotter

Butler?

Subtler

Locksmith?

Lovely bit of clerk

Maybe for a lark

Then again, there's sweep

If you want it cheap and you like it dark

Try the financier

Peak of his career

That looks pretty rank

Well, he drank, it's a bank cashier

Last one really sold

Wasn't quite so old

Have you any beadle?

Next week, so I'm told

Beadle isn't bad till you smell it

And notice how well it's been greased

Stick to priest

Now this may be a bit stringy, but then again, it's fiddle player

Ah, no, no, no, that's not fiddle player, that's piccolo player

How can you tell?

Because it's piping hot

Then blow on it first

The history of the world, my sweet

Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd

What does it tell?

Is who gets eaten and who gets to eat

And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd

Who gets to sell

But fortunately, it's also clear

That everybody goes down well with beer

Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about Rear Admiral?

Too salty, I prefer General

With or without his privates? Wi— With is extra

What is that?

It's fop

Finest in the shop

Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered

With actual shepherd on top

And I've just begun

Here's the politician, so oily

It's served with a doily, have one?

Put it on a bun

Well, you never know if it's going to run

Try the friar

Fried, it's drier

No, the clergy is really too coarse and too mealy

Then actor

That's compacter

Yes, and always arrives overdone

I'll come again when you have judge on the menu

Wait! True, we don't have judge yet, but we've got something you might fancy even better

What's that?

Executioner

Have charity towards the world, my pet

Yes, yes, I know, my love

We'll take the customers that we can get

High-born and low, my love

We'll not discriminate great from small

No, we'll serve anyone

Meaning anyone

And to anyone

At all