Feigning Joy

I grip my chest through shallow breaths Forget the rest, it's in my head I did what I told to Though I didn't think it wise Watched everything I wanted Flash right before my eyes Now I know The seeds I sew Will never grow Got what I need, I'm still empty inside I'm still trapped and helpless with nowhere to hide Exposed in the open and now I'm just hoping For a change to make my dreams come true To make my dreams come true To make my dreams come true This recurrence bites my heels The time I have is time I steal But her silhouette painted on my bedroom wall It makes me smile, at least for a while Hold me again Can we pretend That I'm ok Got what I need, I'm still empty inside I'm still trapped and helpless with nowhere to hide Exposed in the open and now I'm just hoping For a change to make my dreams come true It's all I ever wanted, am I asking too much Leaning on my friends, turned them into a crutch Feigning joy again while I count back from ten How did I end up this way How did I end up this way How did I end up this way How did I find myself back in this place This same situation, this shit on my face Now I'm looking around, plant my feet on the ground And I won't be happy until I make myself miserable Got what I need, I'm still empty inside I'm still trapped and helpless with nowhere to hide Exposed in the open and now I'm just hoping For a change to make my dreams come true It's all I ever wanted, am I asking too much Leaning on my friends, turned them into a crutch Feigning joy again while I count back from ten How did I end up this way How did I end up this way How did I end up this way