From a soapbox, I have glorified my slow disintegration

Nothing more than my verbose, romanticised self-deprecation

I've little more to offer than advice on letting blood

My cynicism serves no purpose, and my love is not enough

To eschew negative behaviours that I've tried to use to cope

Abuse of prescribed medication lay as a hand around my throat

But sobriety failed to sedate high functioning depression

My levity has always been a wound that needs addressing

And the diagnostic lens through which my health is often viewed

Fails to take into account the uncomfortable truth

Perhaps my pessimism prospers in the absence of progress

Is my cynicism premature or justified by my emptiness?

But sobriety fails to sedate high functioning depression

My levity has always been a wound that needs a dressing

Since becoming an adult, I've tried to think about it less often

But at the tender age of 16 I'd already hit the bottom

My brother found me sitting on the floor of the family bathroom

Crying hysterically and desperately clutching to two or three packets

Of painkillers that I'd been terrified of for weeks

I'd been feeling low for a while, but I never truly felt comfortable speaking about it

And he wasn't really able to understand what he'd seen

But he knew that I was upset so decided to sit beside me

That was enough for me to view the situation from a new perspective

While true, I knew what I was doing, I'd neglected to think beyond that moment

And ironically it scares me to death now knowing that I may have left him

Without a brother because of a mindset I'm yet to fully recover from

But I guess the memory also invigorates me with a hope that evidently

I was lacking at the time

Which is fortunate because now ten years down the line

I've thought of leaving more than I care to remember

But while the bad days still hold weight, they're definitely getting better

Every day, I dilute the nefarious self-deprecation and loathing a little more

With the help of my loved ones

Whose constant support I certainly wouldn't be here without

In all the ways that I am weak, I am also strong

Learning how to speak gave me the strength to carry on