Chonny's Inferno

Here lies Chonny You can tell it's him 'cause we put his name on the stone Ran his showers red hot Never too good for a potshot Take the long way 'round to work When the song got to the good part He'd try to stay humble, but inevitably stumble When the kind words rolled in And his humility crumbled Always dwell on what hurt him, lament and reassess Bimonthly sink, depress in senseless, excess mental abscess Tried to fight the demons that had caused him such stress At about thirty-five, died of, well Take a guess Took his golden ascension His family and friends incensed with fear and tension Beyond their comprehension "Catch ya later I'm off to see the man upstairs Let's hope he ain't been paying too much attention" There was an angel at the entrance Checking off a guest list Chonny wasn't on it and was ushered to the exit But let's be frank We did expect this "Excuse me, sir There must be something I could do ya for Perhaps a favour, or a fiver, might open up those pearly doors I'm awfully hard-working There's something I could do, I'm sure" Pleading with the angels While they pushed him through the door "I said excuse me, sir There must be something I could do ya for Perhaps a favour, or a fiver, might open up those pearly doors I'm awfully hard-working There's something I could do, I'm sure" Pleading with the angels While they pushed him through the door "All hope abandon, ye who enter in!" Oh, don't mind the sign, my friend Its threat is weak and thin We really only have it there to keep those squares upstairs at bay We just started a hand of poker You wanna play? Uh-ha! Oh, right You thought we'd have some chained up whores Tangled, hanged up by extension cords A hellfire spit-roast main course With a side of fried landlords Well, sorry for the fright But you can't believe all you read in the paper That hit piece you call 'The Bible' Was written by the world's greatest hater (The world is run by evil people) And yes, of course The Devil's wrought true wrath upon the wicked scourge A murderer or rapist best beware his violent force But here, we mostly dwell in what the fools up there expel An awfully diverse cast of critters resides down here in Hell There was a demon cloaked in flames Putting checks on an invite list Beside a line of names had lied a guide of signed indictments "The bright, white islands high would get the boring ones excited But trust me, man You wouldn't like it" "So do excuse me, sir There must be something we could do ya for Perhaps a snack or beverage, on the house, from Casa Inferno There are plenty like-minded folk here Perhaps they might entice you more" Winking at the 'sinner' while they walked him through the door "Excuse me, sir There must be something we could do ya for Perhaps a snack or beverage, on the house, from Casa Inferno There are plenty like-minded folk here Perhaps they might entice you more" Winking at the 'sinner' while they walked him through the door You can run from your demons until you are exhausted One day, you will have to stop and find out what they wanted Keep running from your demons, till you are exhausted You can run to those angels until you are exhausted One day, you will have to stop and question what they wanted Keep running to those angels, till you are exhausted "So do excuse me, sir There must be something we could do ya for (I don't want to die) (Shut up you're stupid, just kiss me) Perhaps a snack or beverage, on the house, from Casa Inferno (At war with every species, from Dinosaur to Seaweed) There are plenty like-minded folk here! Perhaps they might entice you more" (Please don't let me die) (Shut up you're stupid, just hold my friggin' hand) Winking at the 'sinner' while they walked him through the door (There will be no romance) "Excuse me, sir There must be something we could do ya for (I don't want to die) (Shut up, you're stupid, just kiss me) Perhaps a snack or beverage, on the house, from Casa Inferno (At war with every species. Veni, vidi, vici) There are plenty like-minded folk here! Perhaps they might entice you more" (Please don't let me die) (Shut up you're stupid, just be my friggin' man) Winking at the 'sinner' while they walked him through the door