Levers

There stands a door that I was yet to consider But the locks are all melting and the colors are convincing me Words on the gate reading I'll make this all go away Just walk through me to the silence, that's the music In the valley of nothing where everyone started Before life erased you and made you not part of it Broke off a piece of what was silent, but eternal And then trapped in a body we beg to return to it Placed in the depths of an ocean, forgetting How we belong at the surface but everyone's swimming Towards lights at the bottom reflecting on mirrors But I could labor no longer and float towards what everyone Fears the eternal that's found in the shallows But one day they will realize what I have just figured out Here, at the bottom, it's cold and it's sort of merciless But the water gets warmer as you float away from it On my way to live the greatest Life, not have one, or I'll just stick around And see if it gets better This decision lasts forever Seeing pictures, filled with envy Trying to become who I used to be It seems so far from likely Smiling he looks nothing like me Levers and pulleys and spindles of wire My limbs are all frozen and my lungs are on fire And here in your arms I feel miles away from you Know how it's strange, but I mean all that I'm saying, oh Levers, and pulleys, and spindles of rope In that perfect machine that I used to be, something broke And then a thought so unnatural that it felt like perfection Came and knocked on my door, and in time I just let it in Asking me if I had heard of the surface Where nothing goes wrong, and where no one can ever hurt you And taking my hand it allowed me to breathe Said that there's a way to always feel the way you feel When you finally find your way to sleep And then it showed me my life How it could end, and where it started And then it showed me the world but said I'm not a part of it But the lonely and the hurting have a place, no one's seen it But once I have shown you, you can't ever leave it No matter these thoughts, and these words, so inviting I can't say goodbye just quite yet I'll keep fighting it People who love me would never stop hurting From something so simple yet something so permanent Gone into the valley where everyone started Where smiles are worn by the hopeless and the brokenhearted There in the light of the stars dancing quietly Spirits at home in the warmth of eternity Broken boy who must keep hoping Maybe one day he will figure this out Or things will heal in time This breathing ghost that never died These bits and pieces all left over From that smiling child I used to be I'm cold and terrified I know there's warmth but I can't find it