If I Could Only

This aperture will not define me, I ascend Just the beginning, cannot see the goal With my struggles, that I will carry, till the end I don't have a map, how far will I go? As I'm arising, my delusions, they descend A lonely journey that I have to take But my values, that I align with, I transcend I overbear, and I fixate I will prevail Will I succumb to this specter of guilt All of my doubts are just building within Muster the strength as I conquer this hill Taking a risk as I'm feeling the thrill Never been much for giving up and now that I Have come so far (If I could only leap) Looking back and reflecting on why I thought This would be so hard (If I could only grasp) A few more steps in a fast pace and I should Be back to the start (If I could only reach) If I could only begin My achievements Are but a fraction Of my aim And this journey (I rest my case) Is just as endless (I've lost my aim) As my pain (my failures keep unfolding) I think i'll never (never asked for this) Reach those high peaks (this endless pain) Again (are the memories worth recalling?)