You know at his school they do toilet training, right?

But I'm not happy cause it's just female staff

And they're teaching every child to do sit down wees

It's alright for the girls but the boys should do a standup wee

Shouldn't be doing sit down wees

Now I like a sit down wee as much as the next man

But there is a place and a time for it

These are the only times you should do sit down wees

You always have to be in your house, you can't do it in other people's houses, it's weird

You have to be in your house and drunk

Then you'll be like, oh I've gotta have a lovely sit down wee

I'll treat myself, woo

I'll go back downstairs in a second, I won't fall asleep, stay awake, go on and have a sit down wee

The other time you have a sit down wee is if you wake up in the middle of the night, you wanna go to the toilet but you don't wanna turn the light on

Because it will hurt your eyes and you'll wake up too much

So what you do is, out of respect for everyone in the house so you don't piss everywhere

You have a sit down wee, and that's always a very sleepy like, oh a lovely wee

And because you're sitting like that sometimes your asshole goes, oh we poo-ing

And you're like no no, we're not poo-ing, we're just having a sit down wee, I'm sorry

I thought we were pooing

No, no, no we'll see you in the morning, asshole

And I want him to be good at the sit down wee, it's important to me

Because do you remember when you were about 7, like a wee little sort of old age, like 7?

And all the boys would go up to have a piss, and they'd walk out and then undo their belt, and then undo their fly, then pull out their dick

And they'd have a piss

And then there was that one kid for whatever reason, had to have his pants and his underwear down by his ankles

And he'd stand there with his asshole hanging out the bottom of his shirt

This is how I've always done it