Bishop's Song

Peace be unto this house!

And peace be unto all of you, my brothers and sisters

Peace and harmony and abundance—

Um, I'm very sorry—Bishop, is it?

Yep

We were just headed to dinner

Okay

Oh, no, no, wait, I've never met a bishop!

But aren't you supposed to be clad in radiant scarlet?

Scarlet is higher

I love your slippers, by the way

Rrr rrr rrr rrr rrr

Very fetching

Maybe another time, Your Holiness—?

This won't take a second

Pre-poured martinis

Wonderful!

Please, stay near, my child

This may relate to you

Now, does anybody here have any

Spiritual needs?

Spiritual needs?

Anyone?

No

Well, do any of you think about the

Meaning of life?

Meaning of life?

Any of you?

Good. Anybody else?

Meaning of life? God? Death?

Anyone for purgatory?

Now those shoes are cute

Are they Fendi?

Bishop—please—how can we help you?

Practically

Well, I could use a job

You could give me a job

I'm a terrible priest

No, I'm in the wrong job

I keep spilling the wine

I keep crumbling the wafers

I have no charisma

In the middle of Mass

All I think is: My miter

Should be tighter

I mean, why a bishop?

Why not an anarchist?

Why not a bartender?

I could be anything!

Why a bishop?

Don't get me wrong

I love the Church

And I don't only mean the clothes

I mean the statues and the windows

And the rows of yearning people

And the special parking

And oh, the music—!

What else to call it but "divine?"

And then of course, there's God

Don't get me wrong

I love my God

Though I don't always understand Him

Or agree

Like, do we really need the droughts?

And the floods?

And the plagues?

And the earthquakes?

And the universal suffering and—

See?

Does that sound like a priest?

Oh, those slippers, really fetching (Ruff)

Now if I were a cook

I'm not bad as a cook

I could work as a cook

In a nice country house—

Darling?

—With a fabulous terrace—

We have a cook

Where they could use a gardener

You're a gardener, too?

I could learn

No

Wouldn't anybody like to have their windows washed?

No

Their sinks repaired?

No

Their faith restored?

No

Their lives renewed?

No

Their anything anything?

No!

All I want is a job

Where I'd be of some use

Where I'd know who I was

Where I'd make people feel that they matter

Although none of us does—

In the big picture, I mean...

Something different, at least

God knows

I'm a terrible priest

And if anyone should know

God knows, it's God