Suicide Note - Lawrence Turner: Song Lyrics, Music Videos & Concerts

Suicide Note

Lawrence Turner

2Hip-Hop/Rap2024

Song Details

Suicide Note was released on May 17, 2024 by Lawrence Turner as a part of the album Suicide Note - Single

AlbumSuicide Note - Single

May 17, 2024

LabelLawrence Turner

LanguageEnglish

BPM

Melodicness

Acousticness

Valence

Danceability

Energy

OVERVIEW

LYRICS

Lyrics

December 31st, 2023

That would've been my last day if it were up to me

A new year is something that I didn't want to see

It was like I was living without a soul inside of me

A corpse by night, a zombie by day

Forced to stay here, just to fade and waste away

Had no hopes, had no wants, had no plans throughout the day

Just a shell of myself forced to live out my days

Isolated from my friends

So they think it's normal not see me

That way if I was dead

Then they wouldn't really miss me

Ignoring all the text and all the calls that they would send me

I'm not worthy of attention

I'm not important, I know your busy

So let me waste away as just a memory in mind

I feel like I'm forgotten, let that be true this time

Do not worry about me the world will be just fine

Deleted social media, out of sight out of mind

Me and this music had a falling out

I really thought it'd work

Then I found myself angry, ranting going berserk

Every time I performed, I came of angry or bitter

That my career wasn't progressing, doubt was getting bigger

I knew that I was enough, but the world begged to differ

The work wasn't an issue for me, I just want it quicker

After 18 years I felt like I owed it

Busting my ass, promoting every single, every moment

Burning and selling CDs as a teen & growing

Why am I running in place? Where is my special moment?

Self-absorbed and angry about otherone's progression

When I know that I'm good enough, I demand the attention

I guess my insecurities are strong and keep me haunted

I guess I really have an issue with feeling unwanted

When there's a slight chance of that, I get confused & angry

From music to romance, why do I feel the worlds against me?

When I see a family, I'm jealous 'cus I don't see that for me

Giving love to a little me seems like it'll never be

What's the point of living if it's not for a legacy?

Other people say it'll happen with time, but I can't agree

The woman that I love is not replying to my texts

She's not answering my calls

She dismissed what I confessed

I was angry, I was lost, I was confused, I was upset

How do other dudes get ex's back without breaking a sweat

I told her every line, every word, every take

I'm sitting here confused why this not going my way

While the cheaters get forgiven, the abusers get embraced

I just couldn't understand how she could not miss our dates

So I carried all the pain from the affection I aint get

I am always temporary, no one will want me again

If they do its for a moment

I'm forgotten once again

I accept that I'm unlovable

I guess this is the end

When I'm looking at a woman, all I see is what I miss

So my vision was so cloudy

Couldn't see where I could fit

Then a new woman randomly had cut through the mist

Gave me eyes when no one would, I was surprised when we kissed

But the issue was I wasn't trying to move on at all

She was great but I attached 'cus she looked familiar

Her build was just like hers

Her hair was just like hers

Her heritage, religion, everything was just hers

The affection I couldn't give started to spill over her

I was love bombing someone who fit what I yearned

She said we couldn't be but I just didn't care at all

Feeling wanted for a second was better than not at all

So I used her as a drug, get affection to keep sane

Hugs and empty kisses just to get me through the day

We knew we couldn't be, our situations were so bleak

Then she told me that her ex had just popped up on the scene

I was disappointed like oh here we go again

Back to being temporary

Back to not feeling again

But I told her I would take what I could get, yeah that's right

I really said I was okay being a man on the side

Never thought I would stoop so low in my motherfucking life

Just to feel the smallest amount of emotion in my life

Not feeling good enough is just what life has prescribed

And that's how low I thought of myself at this time

Spiraling was happening and I just couldn't stop it

Wanting to be asleep 'cus that's only time I blocked it

I haven't prayed to God since I was like 13

Felt like it was a waste a time, no one was hearing me

But on May 3rd, Friday morning, 4:13

Insomnia was killing me, darkness was all I seen

So I put my hands together planning to just pray for peace

But it felt like a symbiote just took all over me

The darkness in my soul, greater than any light or beam

Like I was downing in tar, no future could be seen

With eyes open I saw nothing, nothings here for me

So I prayed God for death not once but repeatedly

And I asked him to spare every other innocent

It is selfish that they die when they really want to live

Meanwhile I been here, resenting what others want

To wake up every morning, to breathe or have a thought

To see the sun rise and have a family that would mourn

To have talent and to just express what I want

To sit in the park and just watch the sunset

To see the blue kiss the orange while nature takes a breath

To have the soft breeze hit my face while I accept

That I'm among the fortunate and life is a gift

But instead, I was pleading for him to take it all away

First in prayer 17 years, this isn't what I should say

If I wasn't such a coward, I would've been took me out

But my family's impending pain is making me renounce

But since I'm just living for them, I'm carrying this guilt

Like I'm doomed to live in pain just to go and spare them

I said I wouldn't write again or make another song

I said I have nothing to say, not creative at all

I said I had no hope, me and music, it was through

Started writing out this note and found myself back in the booth

I'm still here?...

I'm still here?

Yea, I'm still here

Written by: Lawrence Turner

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