panic

i try not to think too much on other people's lives

but recently i have been struggling to live mine

trains pass breathy and metallic while i stay still like i subsist on panic

i envy the deep exhale lightness and energy

trust builds up and you don't know it til it's been misplaced

we were friends and then we weren't and i was still making space

i do want good things for you

but maybe you should want those good things too

i know that you did this cause you don't get what you need

and that is vital context but i still can't let you hurt me

in your defense i let it happen let you spill your guts across the floor

i asked no questions i just cleaned up

let it loop until your lies became routine

perspective melts away the truth is blurred out of reach

i am wishing the collar of my jacket would rise and consume my face

we list the strategies of exiting your life while leaving minimal trace

i know that you do this cause you don't get what you need

and that is vital context but i still can't let you hurt me

so what do you want now

what do you do

what can i say without lying to you

there is nothing to rebuild

where nothing remains

i sit still and listen to the passing of trains

so what do you want now

what do you do

what can i say when i run into you

I can barely remember

and i can't pretend

that we're still family

that this isn't the end