You ever heard of the rapture? I guess you better catch up. Playin catch w my son. Is somethin i wont do if God just shows up. Feelin stupid and selfish about this song. I dont really like the thought of heaven, i don't understand it. I got questions for God that still ain't answered. And without them man i just feel stranded. So as i write this song please understand it. Im not against it, im fightin for it, im standin with it. Id die for it please understand this. Im so used to the pain that i think ill miss it. I want him to come back, but i want my kids. I wanna dress up, and wear some makeup kits, see my daughter grow up. Walk her down the isle and dance w her in her bridle gown. I wanna get married and meet the love of my life and give my love to her every single day and night. I wanna play catch with my boy and show him how to fight and protect those he cares for for all his life. But i cant have this, if God comes back. I pray to God to please understand. But at the end of every prayer because i feel selfish, i say,"not my will but your will be done." I helpless.

I feel selfish God. Im alone in this life, i need someone.

I know that silence does not equal absence. Pain in my heart and the devil has access. Feel you depart, and thats just what my heart says, used to this pain, its just part of the process. Yea, Part of the process, at least thats what God says. I gotta trust him, instead of this nonsense. The devil callin, i ran out of options. Once again here i am, feelin like a failure. People always reaching out and i somehow fail them. I just looked her in the eyes and i still cant feel it. No matter how i try, i just cannot feel them. So will i die here alone without a family? Will i never get my wife or my kids? You feel me? Should i be upset at this? Cry to God, "can you hear me?" I know he can, it feels like he ignores me. Alone in this feeling im feeling the blues. I am Alone but not in this room. I know that he died and was raised from the tomb. But do I believe it? I do. I think i do.