album cover
Orthopedic Hoe!
298
Comedy
Orthopedic Hoe! was released on June 26, 2026 by Mandy Brooke as a part of the album 30 Hurty and Writhing
album cover
Release DateJune 26, 2026
LabelMandy Brooke
LanguageEnglish
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy
BPM155

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS
Mandy Brooke
Mandy Brooke
Vocals, Guitar
Daniel Martin
Daniel Martin
Guitar
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Amanda Brooke Samson
Amanda Brooke Samson
Composer, Lyrics
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Mandy Brooke
Mandy Brooke
Producer
Daniel Martin
Daniel Martin
Producer, Mixing Engineer, Mastering Engineer

Lyrics

I’m on the hunt for orthopedic shoes that make me feel like a slut
Yeah, I need to find
Casual, comfy that’ll help me bump and grind
Cause I spent my whole time in my 20’s
Wearing shoes that were no good for me
Now the nerve between my toes
Paired with my varicose
It’s giving geriatric rather than hoe
I wanna feel like a whore
But I can’t cause I can’t wear heels anymore
I wanna feel like a hoe
But I can’t cause I can’t wear heels no mo
So all my flat foot bitches in the club
Holler fuck yeah
Flat foot bitches in the club
Holler fuck yeah!
Heels no mo
I guess orthopedic shoes are the way to go
Oh no
I was having drinks out with my friend
She asked, ā€œAre those your Mom’s shoes?ā€
I punched her in the head
fuck you
Cause I remember when we would go to the club in 6 inch heels
And dance til 3am
Now I’m thirty-something and I’m aging like a basket case
What the fuck is happening?
It’s crippling my soles
Is that what you call bunions?
I can’t even eat Funyons
Without getting heartburn (This is fucking bullshit)
I wanna feel like a whore
But I can’t cause I can’t wear heels anymore
I wanna feel like a hoe
But I can’t cause I can’t wear heels no mo
So all my flat foot bitches in the club
Holler fuck yeah
Flat foot bitches in the club
Holler Fuck yeah
Heels no mo
I guess orthopedic shoes are the way to go
oh no
oh no
oh no
oh no
Now I shop at the shop where my grandma gets her shoes
250 bucks to look like Pop n’ Mary Lou
Making fun of aging is so Millennial hardcore
Crying to our therapists about arch support
I wanna feel like a whore
But I can’t cause I can’t wear heels anymore
I wanna feel like a hoe
But I can’t cause I can’t wear heels no mo
I wanna feel like a whore
But I can’t cause I can’t wear heels no more
I wanna feel like a hoe
But I can’t cause I can’t wear heels no mo
So all my flat foot bitches in the club
Holler fuck yeah
Flat foot bitches in the club
Holler Fuck yeah!
Heels no mo
I guess orthopedic shoes are the way to go
Oh no
I thought it was gonna be like thirty, flirty and thriving
And it’s just thirty, hurty and writhing in pain
Great
Written by: Amanda Brooke Samson
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