Don't know how to say it but that night really spun me out. Felt like I fell right back into the mess. Is it too weird to ask this but is there something that you haven't said? Think I've become so anxious can't tell if its stress or if that paintings the same one she had that song played on our nights out and it's crazy it's all coming back, it's all coming back. Cos I know that I'm broken and I can't heal fast, the bruises that grow there's no way to hide them and I just need time, is it okay to ask for that?

You were asking questions like any normal person would do. I didn't know that I wasn't ready to talk. Help me not crash land this, if I put a few rules in place we could be friends without ever hitting taboos. Cos I was far too sober to ignore all the things that you said. The way you said her name its ingrained in my brain I replay it all while I lie in bed cos she's not dead but she is to me.

If I pull the curtain yeah you'll see it all fall out, wish it was all sorted but it's distorted and loud it's just something I can't speak about.

(I know, yeah I...)