I Don't Want Your Man

He wears his jorts in the summer to show off his tats

He's got a stupid one right on his thigh of his cat

You want him to get your name next, that's not where he's at

He'd rather nail this kick-flip

I know you think I'm a threat in my Hot Topic tees

He couldn't get on the Warped Tour, it's not meant to be

Misery Business is just not the business for me

Girl, he still has a lip ring

I don't want your man

Don't even understand

Girl, I don't get the hype

And honestly, he's not my type

I don't want your man

So can't we all be friends

I've got some dudes at home

And a big fat crush on Chappell Roan

He acts like a teenage dirtbag, but he's thirty-four

He'll blow you off just to blow in his N64

He says he'll get you backstage, yeah he'll make damn sure

Cuz he knows the sound guy (they met in youth group)

Hates this town

But won't leave

He stole your make-up and your jeans

So long and goodnight to your deepest V

I don't want your man

Don't even like his band

Girl, I don't get the hype

And honestly, he's not my type

I don't want your man

So can't we all be friends

While he's jerkin in a sock

I've got a big fat crush on Tony Hawk

But tonight

There's something in his eyes

His band's playing a dive

To a crowd of five

It doesn't matter, they're not live

Then I realize

This man that I despise

Could cut my wrist and black my eyes

It might be fun, yeah, just to try

I might want your man

We started out as friends

Hey girl, I cannot lie

He's punk rock trash, but so am I

I might want your man

But then I look again

Turns out my sense failed

This man can't even grind a rail, no

I don't want your man

He still writes lyrics on his Vans

Girl, I don't get the hype

And honestly, he's not my type

I don't want your man

So can't we all be friends

Let's ace this Bechtdel Test

I'll see you on the internet