album cover
B Side Yourself With Plod
album cover
B Side Yourself With Plod was released on January 1, 1973 by Esoteric as a part of the album Fresh Liver (Expanded Edition)
January 1, 1973
LabelEsoteric
LanguageEnglish
BPM
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy

Lyrics

Hello people
Welcome to Beachside at Record
Hope it's not too warm for you
If it'll help matters I'll take me coat off shall I?
There, is that any cooler?
Right
Well by now a lot of eyebrows in prices will be raised
Wondering what a blood special is
And that is your pro-pre-rig-ro-
Right
Well a special is a fun person to be with like
Always laughing and joking
Always centre of attraction at parties
Always smiling in the face of universities
In a word, a good 'un
Can anyone be a special I hear you ask yourselves
Well that's easy you see
We're mainly on the lookout for people
Though we're not against a few goodly gorillas and the like
Now we don't care who wants to join
We're opening our doors, arms and wallets to everyone
Be he, she or it
A ne'er-do-well, rascallion, skull-dugger, urchin
Sneak in the grass, fallen angel, loose fish
Runagate or what have you
Or looking on t'other side of coin
A raggamuffin, sad dog, villain, varlet
Or even a Mephistostelian
Or looking along edge of coin
A bus driver, airline pirate
A train surgeon, street musician
Head of a TV company, nudist, pin-up
Film magnate, to mention only two
You see we want to weld people from
Every walk and talk of life together
Into one huge mess of happy laughing devil-may-care befreckled
Cocker-oop night and day errant cavaliers
Or by bingo and rabbit pie
I'll hang up me truncheon and skin leopards for a living
Now the way I look at it is difficult to show on record
But should you bump into me in dead of day
Ask me to show you will you
And I'll be quite chuffed
Any road I reckon if each and every man Jack
And woman Jackess of you
Had but a teeny corner of your hearts open to becoming a special
That would be very nice indeed
But what would we have to do
I hear you asking your next door neighbour
Be they Welsh, French, Luxembourgonian or even black
Very simply our motto is
Fight crime with a smile
I'll just pause for a few moments while you think on it
Fight crime with a smile
Pause
Are you getting a glimmer?
Well just imagine you're outside a bank like
When a team of knaves jump off their horses
Bent on stealing money from bank
Then you as a special
Armed with your plod joke book
Could stand in their path and turning to page on bank robbing jokes
You could so split their sides with a right rib tickler
They'd be helpless with laughing
And obliged to return home penniless but happy
There are countless thousands of such opportunities
Like being approached by a lady at lamplight
A mugger in Downing Street
Someone parked on double yellow lines
A man beating his wife or horse or both or vice versa
Skunk baiting, tree felling and an etcetera
What's the first thing to do
Says a telegram that has just been handed to me
From a couple in Holloway
That's easy Mr and Mrs Wilkinson
Send coupon on outside of envelope post haste
Or if you're wanting it to be delivered in hurry
Bring it yourself will you
And we'll give you a wad of information about it all
Well I bet it's time to get off the record
And back on to special beat
So please be warm and happy and remember
A special's lot may be happy one
But it's fun
And keep singing in hillsides
And don't be put off by its smell
And smile till it hurts and then keep right on smiling
And never take off today what you should have taken off tomorrow
And a bit of dancing in the streets never hurt anyone like
And people like us like people like you
So keep safe, keep well, keep cats and
Be cheerful, be not afeared, be beautiful
Aye, aye, well cheerio people
Written by: John Gorman
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