back of the venue,

my homies tearing the stage up

i’m flippin thru my sketchbook

doodlin every page up

so many ideas flowin outta my brain bruh

i wonder what it’s like to have came up

payin bills, from rap,

i wonder how many days until i make a million tracks

i wonder how many verses killed i’m keepin stored in the back

my thinkin cap am i greedy for being hungry?

i do dis for the art not the money

but the moneys nice

i always think “my idols don’t do this for the money right?

i speak into my microphone so much that its funny right?

my homies 30, hope i do the shit in my 20s right”

i’m fuckin up, i fear i do nothing right

when i’m acing

freddy kreuger, jason

and rappin are both adjacent

to me cuz i’m slashing dreams that i’m havin

just to get payment.

dream chasin, gettin in stickier situations

that i would if i was workin a 9-5 witta wage and

i think i’m going crazy just layin inside my house

if the music doesn’t work out, than i’m fucked

i can almost taste it

just keep yo head straight girl, try n secure these placements

and don’t go makin a move to fuck up the progress ur makin hol’up

1st of December, i barely lived thru november

feel like my brain getting tenderized

after changing my gender

newer hormones kickin in

tryna keep a low temper

how can i render the way that i feel

without soundin stupid?

i know i’m not but you’d think i was with the way i’m movin

my homies getting more distant, my family gettin more clueless

my days are passing me by as depression gettin more rooted

in my life fuck up my mood

i could cry whatever i’m doing

now i’m sensitive, used to have the thickest skin

worried bout my penmanship,

newer feelings kicking in

wanna hit the pen n shit but i’m too worried i’ll get sick of chasin after benjamin’s

n be okay not hittin shit

i’m so afraid i’m gon lose my drive

look up in my mirror every day askin “who am i?”

my granny don’t remember me at all

gettin dewy eyed

my mama see i’m tryin not to go through with suicide

nobody really know me outside of my computer

my family think i’m goin crazy cuz i stay up from 2 to 5

my life won’t get threw aside

i’m gettin my shit together

but hopefully my music unlike me, wanna live forever

i hope so