If Momma Was Married

I wish Momma would marry a plain man

So we could all be together

If Momma was married, we'd live in a house

As private as private can be

Just Momma, three ducks, five canaries, a mouse

Two monkeys, one father, six turtles and me

If Momma was married

If Momma was married I'd jump in the air

And give all my toe shoes to you

I'd get all those hair ribbons out of my hair

And once and for all, I'd get Momma out too

If Momma was married

Momma, get out your white dress

You've done it before—

Without much success

Momma, God speed and God bless

We're not keeping score—

What's one more or less?

Oh, Momma, say yes

And waltz down the aisle while you may

I'll gladly support you

I'll even escort you—

And I'll gladly give you away

Oh, Momma, get married today

If Momma was married

There wouldn't be any more

"Let me entertain you"

"Let me make you smile"

"I will do some kicks—"

"I will do some tricks"

"Sing out, Louise"

"Smile, baby"

Momma, please take our advice

We aren't the Lunts

I'm not Fanny Brice

Momma, we'll buy you the rice

If only this once

You wouldn't think twice

It could be so nice

If Momma got married to stay

But Momma gets married—

And—

Married—

And—

Married—

And never gets carried away

Oh, Momma

Oh, Momma

Oh, Momma, get married today