Divorce - Drew Michael: Song Lyrics, Music Videos & Concerts

Divorce

50

Standup Comedy

Divorce was released on September 2, 2016 by Comedy Central Records as a part of the album Funny to Death

Song Details

AlbumFunny to Death

Release DateSeptember 2, 2016

LabelComedy Central Records

LanguageEnglish

Melodicness

Acousticness

Valence

Danceability

Energy

BPM197

OVERVIEW

LYRICS

Music Video

Music Video

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS

Drew Michael

Spoken Word

COMPOSITION & LYRICS

Drew Michael

Songwriter

PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING

Drew Michael

Producer

Lyrics

My parents are divorced, um, which should be obvious because I'm up

Here and this is not the product of stability. Would it be weird if

Like you saw my family and it was like that picture, like everyone in

Matching sweaters, like "We don't know what happened to them." Yeah

They had me. I was not an accident, but I was definitely a mistake

Like they meant to do it, they just should not have. They were not

Prepared. I was- I was supposed to be the thing that brought them

Together, which is a false premise. "This one will love this thing

And that will-" No. You will just hate each other more. Cause you'll

Realize what actual love is and you'll be like "Well, don't feel that

For you. I would die for this kid. You, I don't- I would like pretend

To like try to stop the bullet, but then let it hit you." It's- it's

Weird because- so my parents got divorced, I was twelve, my brother

Was nine, so we were still pretty young. And they split custody, so

My dad moved out to some like shitty apartment and then my mom stayed

In the house. And during the week we would stay with our mom and then

On the weekends we would go to our dad's place. And I say that and it

Sounds like "Yeah, that's a normal situation." But it's fucked up

Because we're kids. So why are- like we had to like move. Every week

Twice. Which is insane. Like it should be the kids stay in the house

And then during the week mom stays there and dad's at the shitty

Apartment and then on the weekends dad moves back in and then mom

Stays at the penalty box. Like that should be how it is. I'm twelve

Years old, I'm packing suitcases like I'm going on a work trip

Like I don't know what I'm doing. "What do you pack? Twizzlers?"

Like I don't fucking know. And then I had to go to my dad's and I-

I slept on an air mattress, which you know as- as you heard from

Drake, like it's not- that's not good. At any age. That's not good

I was twelve. Like the air mattress is not- did you ever buy an air

Mattress, by the way? Like they have to put pictures on the box of

The air mattress that are fake cause they have to make you think

It's a go- a good purchase. Like there's like a woman reading by

Candlelight like "Yeah, sometimes I use the air mattress like to read

This book I bought at the airport." Like what are you talking about?

Some camping family all working together like blowing it up. That's

Like one percent of air mattress usage. Maybe. The other ninety-

Nine percent is divorced families and I think that is the picture that

They should put on the box. Because those are the people looking to

Buy the product in the first place. Like that- you should be like

Rolling through, you see the picture and it's just a split screen

On one half you got the dad, he's like blowing up the air mattress

With his mouth cause he couldn't afford the vacuum suck pump thing

There's two kids in the background crying, eating microwave pizza

Off a paper towel like "Where's mom?!" Oh where's mom? Mom's in the

Other half of the picture, uh, in a hotel room with her legs in the

Air getting eaten out by a doctor or a lawyer or an architect or an

Engineer, whatever she's trying to upgrade to, you know

Like "Oh shit, we need that. Looks like our family

" That's the- that's my family portrait. Everyone

Still in matching sweaters for some reason. You know

Written by: Drew Michael

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