The Real Slim Shady (Live From MTV VMAs / 2000)

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced

Throwing her over furniture

Ahh!

It's the return of the–

Ah wait, no way, you're kidding

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?

And Dr. Dre said—

Nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead

He's locked in my basement

HA HA!

Feminist women love Eminem

"Chicka-chicka-chicka Slim Shady

I'm sick of him, look at him

Walking around, grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who"

"Yeah, but he's so cute though"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes, I want to get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect 'em not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

We ain't nothing but mammals

Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women, wave your pantyhose

Sing the chorus and it goes—

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here?

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave **** to first

Little bitch put me on blast on MTV

"he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD

Ahh!

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you!

And there's a million of us just like me who cuss like me

Who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me

And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me!

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Please stand up, please stand up